12 of the Most Ridiculous Things Seized By TSA
Planes are a bit of a funny thing, as to ride them requires a large amount of faith in their safety even due to physics that most people probably couldn’t explain in any succinct manner. I’ll never badmouth someone for being scared of flying, just because there’s zero chance I could effectively explain how we stay in the air without tagging in Google or a physicist.
At the same time, every time you fly domestically, you also have to go through TSA, something that explicitly telegraphs the possibility of disaster. That fear of God — and cavity searches — is enough to keep most people from trying to get anything suspect through security, but people still make an attempt to beat X-ray technology. Here are 12 of the weirdest of those attempts…
Eels
TSA
Exotic and illegal animals are a strange category all their own, one that I could easily pad this list with, but I’ll stick with a bag of eels. A container and animal that sound like an etymological description of chaos, that someone still tried to fly with under the radar.
A Diaper Full of Weed
TSA
Flying with weed in the 2020s is less advisable than it’s ever been. In a largely legalized world, it feels like you’re actively seeking out ways to get arrested for weed now. If you have to risk it, at least try it in something less embarrassing than a diaper. You thought strip searches were embarrassing already, try a TSA agent revealing a nappy.
Propane
TSA
This is a fascinating cross-section of a human being. This is someone who seemingly loves propane so much, they feel the need to transport it (Hank Hill, maybe), but also someone who doesn’t understand that a propane tank is basically a bomb without a fuse.
Batarangs
TSA
This has to be one of the most embarrassing ways to get yourself put in a glass room for a couple hours. What’s next, a Funko Pop with a head full of cocaine?
A Chainsaw
TSA
Look, Leatherface works hard, even if you might not consider his job essential. Plus, his house fucking sucks. He deserves a vacation just as much as the rest of us!
Cattle Prods in a Guitar Case
TSA
If you think about it, a soft guitar case is kind of just a “long suitcase.” This inventive thinking is not rewarded when the long thing in there is an item intended to electrocute God’s creatures.
A Skull With Batteries Attached to It
TSA
According to the person it was confiscated from, this was a training device used to teach how to perform lobotomies. In a physical sense, it was a fake human skull crammed with electronics and a battery, which feels like something designed to distract every TSA agent on duty while you put something through a different x-ray machine.
A Joke Grenade
TSA
The TSA, despite my many recommendations made by letter, doesn’t take into consideration whether something is funny or not.
A Fake Bomb Vest for Police Training
TSA
C’mon now. You’re not even going to call ahead before you bring your fake bomb vest to the airport? Thank god they didn’t decide to wear it to save some suitcase space.
A Gun in a Raw Chicken
TSA
A key rule when hiding something is to not hide it in something that’s already incredibly weird. There’s a reason why the FBI doesn’t bug hotel rooms by using clown statues with cameras in them.
An Actual Human Skull
TSA
To be fair, the person didn’t know they were taking a human skull through TSA either. They thought they were transporting a bunch of old pots. Unfortunately, they weren’t empty, and inside them was a piece of somebody.
Pizza
TSA
For our last one, something that is, shocking, apparently completely fine: pizza. I guess if they have to examine a food, a flat one is convenient.
