5 Lessons of Failed Romance with ‘The Daily Show’s Dulcé Sloan
February is going to be a busy month for The Daily Show’s Dulcé Sloan. In addition to sharing the set with returning funnyman Jon Stewart, Sloan also is releasing her first book, Hello, Friends!: Stories of Dating, Destiny and Day Jobs. Perhaps the book’s funniest chapter is also one that was hardest for Sloan to write — a rundown of romantic ruinations from years of playing the field. “I had to look back on all the decisions that 20-something-year-old me made and not be mad at her,” she tells me. But at least she learned some lessons by asking, “How do the dating decisions I made in 2010 help me in 2024?”
You’ll need to read the book to get the whole picture, but with Valentine’s Day approaching, here is some hard-won Sloan wisdom on the subject of romance…
If You Date Another Comic, See Their Stand-Up First
From Sloan’s improv days, she knew it was inevitable that she’d date other comics. “I’m around these dudes all the time so I’m gonna sleep with one of them,” she reasons. “The numbers are against me — only 20 percent of comics are women, so by the sheer math of it, I’m gonna see some dicks.”
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But if you're going to date another comic, Sloan says, make sure that you see their stand-up first: “I’ve made that mistake, not seen their stand-up and then was like, ‘Oh! I’m with a booger!’ Now if I’m gonna hook up with a comic, I gotta make sure he’s funny first, because I still have to answer to my friends.”
Avoid the Apps
Dating apps are trash, Sloan says, especially for Black women and Asian men. “They have the least amount of matches, the least amount of interactions, bad interactions,” she says. “So you’re already working from a default.”
Instead, Sloan prefers meeting people in person. “I’m much better live,” she confesses. “That’s usually how I catch my prey.”
If You Can’t Find the Right Person, Frankenstein One
When Sloan was in her early 30s, “just a young girl out here having hope,” no one man was checking all of her boxes. So she had to assemble a Frankenstein of love out of multiple paramours. “There was one guy I would hang out with at the house,” she says. “There was my homeboy who would take me out to dinner all the time, just on friend dates. And then there was a guy that I only hooked up with.”
The three of them together made the perfect guy.
Know That Men Will Say Dumb Things
In Hello Friends!, Sloan shares an amazing list of dumb things men have said to her. But which one stands out as the dumbest? The comic nominates “an amazing boyfriend I had,” who also regularly made her scratch her head. “It was my 25th birthday, and I told him I was going to the Georgia Aquarium,” she remembers. “And then he asked me what an aquarium was. I don’t know if that was dumb as much as it was sad. Because he was like, ‘Is it like a museum?’ And I was like, ‘Yeah, for fish.’”
You Don’t Have to Marry Someone to Divorce Them
A mechanic may have been one-third of Sloan’s aforementioned Frankensteined man, but no wedding ring didn’t stop the comic from divorcing him. Frustrated with his frequent disappearing acts (and no talk of marriage or babies), Sloan got inspiration from the split between Britney Spears and Kevin Federline. “On Al Gore’s internet in 2007, I found Britney Spears’ divorce papers, and I made a copy of them. And so, I pulled up to his job one day with the manila envelope,” she says. “He said, ‘What's this?’ And I was like, ‘You've been served.’”
Years later, when Sloan was out of work, the mechanic helped her out with some emergency cash. “So not only am I divorced,” she says, “but I’ve also also received alimony.”
