Ranking Every ‘Simpsons’ Simpflix Title by How Much It Needs to Be Made
In a world of spin-offs and extended universes, it’s a tragedy of marvelous proportions that we’ll probably never see Krustified.
In its 34 years in the zeitgeist, The Simpsons has seen drastic changes to the television industry and survived them all. The show premiered eight years before the release of the DVD and the subsequent launch of Netflix, and The Simpsons is still hanging on long after the formerly mail-based media giant effectively ended the dominance of both physical media and linear TV simultaneously. Following its acquisition by the Disney megacorporation, The Simpsons became another weapon in the streaming wars — and it fired its first shot in the skirmish on November 7, 2021.
In the high-concept two-part episode “A Serious Flanders,” The Simpsons used the framing device of a fictional streaming service called “Simpflix” as the entry point for its parody of streaming entertainment. The episode briefly flashes all the other fictional titles available on “Simpflix,” and some are so good that we’d pay whatever monthly subscription just to watch them — even if “Simpflix” cancels all the shows after two seasons anyways.
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Here are the shows in ascending order of potential, starting with…
Somebody Feed Gil
The celebrity travel show is already a saturated genre, so a Somebody Feed Phil-type show featuring Springfield’s biggest business failure sounds like another signature Gil flop.
The Marvelous Mrs. Muntz
Imagine The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel, but instead of centering on a plucky, up-and-coming housewife turned stand-up comedienne, it's about a plateauing-to-declining single mother stripper. Haw haw.
The Tween’s Gambit
The original Queen’s Gambit already had a somewhat Lisa-esque child prodigy as its main character, but replacing Anya Taylor-Joy’s binge drinking with Lisa’s vegetarianism sounds unbearable.
Halt and Kirk’s Fired
The period piece Halt and Catch Fire lasted four seasons on its own, but I can’t imagine how much drama Kirk Van Houten’s version would have left in the tank after he got canned by IBM in the first episode.
Better Call Selm
It’s hard to imagine Selma Bouvier showing the initiative to rise above the rank of public defender à la Saul Goodman, but the possibility of a Patty vs. Selma storyline in the style of Chuck vs. Jimmy is intriguing.
Moezark
Ozark distinguishes itself from other similar crime dramas with its compelling family dynamics, but a bartender and his blowup doll does not a family make.
What We Lou in the Shadows
“What if Springfield’s police department were all vampires?” is an incredible premise, but Chief Wiggum and his boys wouldn’t be able to match the antics of the actual What We Do in the Shadows cast in terms of outrageousness.
Bee-Jack Horseman
Rarely do we ever get a peek into the psyche of Springfield’s favorite Mexican TV star Bumblebee Man, but I would love to watch him unravel in a world where half the people around him are actual bees.
LEN15
Lenny and Carl pretending to be middle-schoolers while surrounded by actual middle-schoolers would absolutely be worth at least a watch of the pilot.
Suck-Suck-Cession
Logan Roy already loves to act like a big baby, but what if the head of the family was its youngest member? Keep Homer away from the swimming pool.
Molemen
Imagine how hilarious it would be if Dr. Manhattan could be neutralized by a football to the groin.
Wig Mouth
The writers on this one would have to walk a finer line than the real-life brains behind Big Mouth to make Ralph Wiggum’s tumble through puberty palatable for the public, but, by god, there’s not a single fictional child I’d rather see on that show.
House of Carls
“Carl becomes president” is an automatic greenlight on its own, but this title has even more preposterous implications — namely, who are the other Carls???
Krustified
Krusty the Clown playing a loose-cannon cop in a neo-Western TV show sounds like something that should already exist in the Simpsons universe, to be honest.
Kwik-E-Blinders
Following The Problem with Apu, The Simpsons has phased out the Kwik-E-mart proprietor entirely, but maybe the problem could be solved by making Apu a Cockney gang leader. Hank Azaria would nail that accent.
