No, Lisa Kudrow Is Not Adopting Matthew Perry’s Dog – He Didn’t Have One

Following the shocking death of Matthew Perry on Saturday, entertainment media entered a period of mourning marked by fond memories, Friends marathons and fake, manipulative stories about surviving loved ones who may or may not exist — apparently, Perry’s supposed pet dog whom Lisa Kudrow was planning on adopting is about as real as the ceramic one Joey brought home.

Unfailingly, an unexpected celebrity death cycle torpedoes any standards from gossip blogs and paparazzi publications. Never willing to let a crisis go to waste, the celebrity media industry continues to jump on every scrap of insight into the late Perry’s life, hounding his friends and former coworkers for every juicy morsel of mourning that will undoubtedly earn front page billing. And, naturally, the remaining Friends stars are the primary targets for paparazzi intrigue, so when an “insider” told the British toilet paper tabloid The Daily Mail that a devastated Lisa Kudrow was working on taking in Perry’s pup Alfred, they blasted the story across the internet less than 24 hours after the devoted dog lover passed away.

There’s just one small problem — Perry didn’t have a dog named Alfred, or any dog for that matter. The canine in question belongs to Perry’s ex-fiance Molly Hurwitz, and although Perry posted a picture of himself with Alfred on Instagram shortly before the breakup, by all accounts, Hurwitz has maintained custody of Alfred since the couple called it quits in June, 2021. Daily Mail, is this “insider” in the room with us now?

Nothing about the news cycle surrounding Perry’s passing is a fresh phenomenon — the entertainment industry’s practice of urgently cashing in on a celebrity death is as old as Tupac’s ghost. It was inevitable that TBS would announce a “Best of Chandler” Friends marathon before Perry’s body was cold, and it’s unlikely that anyone batted an eye when Audible announced that they would attempt to entice new non-readers by making Perry’s recently released memoir, Friends, Lovers, and the Big Terrible Thing, free for all users, even those enrolled in their 1-month free trial.

Though The Daily Mail seems to have scrubbed their story about Perry’s supposed scruffy surviving best friend, expect more tidbits of unverifiable veracity to emerge in the coming days and weeks while streaming services explore new and exciting “in memoriam” content campaigns to help Friends fans through these trying times. 

Earlier today, Kudrow and the rest of Perry’s co-stars voiced their grief in an exclusive statement given to PEOPLE. "We are all so utterly devastated by the loss of Matthew. We were more than just cast mates. We are a family," the cast wrote, “There is so much to say, but right now we’re going to take a moment to grieve and process this unfathomable loss.”

Mercifully, Kudrow, David Schwimmer, Courteney Cox, Jennifer Aniston and Matt LeBlanc did not field questions from the gossip giant, so no one was able to pester them with queries like, “Well, did he have any cats?”