The Night Batman Tried to Kill Jimmy Kimmel

I tuned into this week’s episode of Strike Force Five, the podcast featuring late-night hosts John Oliver, Jimmy Kimmel, Stephen Colbert, Seth Meyers and Jimmy Fallon, to see how they might handle the hullabaloo over last week’s Fallon takedown by Rolling Stone. But this episode was taped before that particular stinkbomb exploded, leaving the guys to talk about a story teased on a previous episode. “Kimmel,” asked Oliver, “when and where did Batman try to kill you?”

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Here’s how it went down. While the actual reasons for the contest are lost to Kimmel’s memory, an episode of his late-night show featured a hockey game between a team of celebrities led by Cuba Gooding Jr. and a squad of superheroes. No, not Chris Evans and Robert Downey Jr. but the doofuses on Hollywood Boulevard who dress up in stained suits to sign autographs for bewildered tourists. “One of them was Batman,” says Kimmel. “We used Batman on the show a lot.”

At least Kimmel’s show previously used Batman a lot. But during that celebrity hockey game, Hollywood Boulevard Batman got angry with Gooding and “used the n-word on our show.” Yikes! After the show, Kimmel understandably banned Hollywood Boulevard Batman from ever appearing on Live! again.

But word got back to Hollywood Boulevard Batman that Kimmel himself personally barred the hero from the show. “The Incredible Hulk came to our building very concerned,” says Kimmel. The Hulk informed the show’s staff that “Batman just bought a gun for $80 and he's gonna shoot Jimmy with it.” 

A gun for eighty bucks? “That’s a good deal,” observed Colbert.

The Jimmy Kimmel Live! security team sprung into action, as security teams do when they’re threatened by homicidal superheroes. You don’t mess around with a guy known for vengeance.

“They locked everything down,” says Kimmel, “and they put up photos of the guy who wants to kill me.” The problem? The only photos they had of the guy were ones in which he was wearing the Batman mask, meaning he’d have to be identified by his chin. 

Even though this Batman was difficult to recognize without his pointy-eared cowl, cops did catch the murderous dark knight and he “did quite a bit of time,” says Kimmel. “I haven’t seen him since.” 

Oliver invited the cut-rate caped crusader to reach out to the podcast if he wants to mend fences. “We’d love to hear from you,” agreed Kimmel.

“There’s no perfect way for a talk show to end,” says Oliver. “But I think being murdered by Batman would put you there in some kind of television history.”