13 Great Dark Humor Jokes About Sports
Sports aren’t pretty. Men and women spend their youth training, abusing their bodies, sometimes taking drugs and risking their health to become the best in their sport while also trying to get as much money as they can within their short career span. And if it’s not the sport itself having a dark side, it can be what happens off the court/field/whatever providing material for stark black humor.
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You gotta laugh if you can’t cry, so here are some of the darkest jokes surrounding our favorite athletic pastimes...
Mayce Galoni on Hockey
“Hockey is the only job you can have where you can punch somebody in the middle of your shift.”
Key & Peele’s Post-Game Interview
Key & Peele know that basketball players can help inspire and motivate young fans, but if they’re not careful with their words, it could lead to deadly consequences.
Josh Blue on the Paralympics
“I know many of you maybe don’t know what the Paralympics are, which is unfortunate because it’s the second largest sporting event on the planet. It’s the Olympics for people with physical disabilities. Yeah, I mean, we’re second largest only to the able-bodied Olympics. Oh yeah, must be tough running on two legs.”
‘Robot Chicken’ Sports Bloopers
Bert Kreischer’s Daughter’s Failing Imagination
Kreischer explains that his daughter can’t catch fly balls during her softball practice, even when they’re imaginary.
Kyle Kinane Baseball Faux Pas
On This Is Not Happening, Kinane discusses how he finally had a great Little League performance... until a line drive hit a special needs playmate.
Jason Plays Goalie
On Robot Chicken, Jason Voorhees gets an opportunity to put his hockey mask to its actual, proper use and still kill people.
‘Saturday Night Live’s Little League Dad
Bill Burr on How Feminists Failed the WNBA
“(The WNBA) have been playing in front of 300 to 400 people a night for a quarter of a century. Not to mention, it’s a male-subsidized league. We gave you a fucking league, none of you showed up! Where are all the feminists? The place should be packed with feminists! Faces painted, wearing jerseys, flashing their titties! Going nuts like the guys do with their big beer titties! None of you went to the fucking games. None of you — you failed them, not me. Not men; women failed the WNBA. Ladies, name your top five all-time WNBA players of all time. Name five WNBA teams. Name the WNBA team in your fuckin’ city — you can’t do it! You don’t give a fuck about them. They play night in and night out in front of nobody; it’s a fuckin’ tragedy.”
Patrice O’Neal on Football Violence
“When I came up, football was gladiator — it was angry. When I played, and you hit somebody, and he didn’t get up, we didn’t hold hands with the other team and pray. We used to do a hump dance circle. Our crowd was like, “HE’S-PA-RA-LYZED!”
George Carlin on Football Versus Baseball
Carlin breaks down how football is a completely solemn and brutal sport, whereas baseball is bright and sweet by comparison.
‘Nick Swardson’s Pretend Time’ Sports Death
Remember, these athletes are human. Passionate fan or not, you should be mindful of what you say and cheer about during the game.
Key & Peele’s Unfiltered Basketball Commentary
Key & Peele gets a little too real regarding professional basketball.
