Creators Trey Parker and Matt Stone once described Cartman as their “little Archie Bunker,” an amoral, antagonistic bigot who is always trying to get the best of whomever is unlucky enough to get in his way. Over the years, Cartman has grown significantly more sociopathic as his ambitions and schemes have expanded in scale and diabolicality, but his tongue has pretty much always been this sharp as he’s shredded his friends and foes alike with obscene verbal beatdowns.
As such, here are a few of the best and most searing burns from South Park’s most caustic 10-year-old — with apologies to, well, everyone.
“My mom is so poor she walks down the road with one shoooooe. And if you ask her if she lost a shoe, she says, ‘No, I found oooone’”
“Wendy, you need to calm down. You’re gonna get your boobs all angry, and they’re gonna start killing everyone”
“Look Kenny, I always told you that one day being poor was going to catch up with you. But you didn’t want to listen. You just kept on being poor, and now it’s Halloween, and you don’t have a cell phone”
“Oh, I’m sorry, Mr Garrison, what I said was.. *takes out megaphone* ‘How would youlike to suck my balls, Mr Garrison’”
“Kyle, all those times I said you were a big dumb Jew? I didn’t mean it. You’re not a Jew”
“You’re sterile, is that it? No, that’s too convenient of an excuse. The truth is, nobody ever wanted to have babies with you, isn’t that it?”
“Too bad drinking scotch isn’t a paying job, or else Kenny’s dad would be a millionaire”
