The ‘Simpsons’ Subreddit Selects Mr. Burns’ Best Old-Timey Lingo

Smithers, who is that Methuselah?

Charles Montgomery Plantagenet Schicklgruber Burns has seen a lot in his exceedingly long life. He survived the crashing of the Titanic. His Social Security Number is 000-00-0002. He may or may not have dated Betsy Ross. In his many years on this planet, Mr. Burns has picked up a number of peculiarly dated phrases that remain in his lexicon to this day — sayings from the 18th century regularly pop up in his everyday conversations as those who encounter Mr. Burns wonder what the hell an autogyro is.

Over in the Simpsons subreddit, the superfans recently recounted all of the most hilarious old fashioned lingo Springfield’s oldest and richest man has uttered over the show’s 34 ongoing seasons. Here are their picks…

• “You there! Fill it up with petroleum distillate and re-vulcanize my tires!”
• “Smithers, I’ve designed a new plane! I call it the Spruce Moose, and it will carry 200 passengers from New York’s Idlewild Airport to the Belgian Congo in 17 minutes!”
• “Take 50 percent of my money and put it in the blue chips — the Transatlantic zeppelin, amalgamated spats… And sink the rest into that up-and-coming Baltimore Opera Hat Company.”
• “Ahoy, there, Dean. I understand you’re taking suggestions from students, eh? Well, me and my fourth-form chums think it would be quite corking if you’d sign over your oil well to the local energy concern.”
• “I’m sure the manual will indicate which lever is the velocitator and which the deceleratrix.”
• Smithers: “Sir, Phrenology was dismissed as quackery 160 years ago.”
  Mr. Burns: “Of course you’d say that... you have the brainpan of a stagecoach tilter!”
• “I’d like to send this letter to the Prussian Consulate in Siam by aeromail. Am I too late for the 4:30 auto-gyro?”
• “Ahoy-hoy!”