Larry The Cable Guy Says ‘Major Farts’ Prove He’s Still Alive
Despite the bizarre online rumblings about his supposed death, Larry the Cable Guy is alive and kicking, at least according to Larry the Cable Guy. How can we know for sure? When was the last time a corpse was blasting out “major farts from honey roasted pistachios?” The Cable Guy lives!
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The Blue Collar Comedy Tour veteran believed he needed to offer this pungent sign of life after “Larry the Cable Guy dead” spent the weekend trending on Twitter. Er, X.
No one can seem to identify exactly why the rumors got started, although GitRDoneLarry suspects “haters” and/or their jealousy might be behind the whole thing.
“As much as some haters would love for me to have died, which I don’t know why other than being jealous of my 1980’s Dolf Lundgren (circa 1980’s) looking body, I’m still alive and currently putting icy hot on 65 percent of my body after trying to put on my socks,” the Cable Guy tweeted, helpfully clarifying that a 1980s Dolf (sic) Lundgren body would indeed have existed circa 1980s.
“Apparently once a year someone spreads this rumor,” Larry continued, employing Random capitalization for Emphasis. “It’s fake. I’m fully mobile. The last time I laid motionless was on my honeymoon according to my wife. I’m not dead, I don’t have sleep Apnea or Diabetes. I do however have major farts from honey roasted pistachios. I love all y’all!”
Unfortunately for the comic and his fans, death rumors have been swirling even more than once a year. Just a few months ago, Twitter users spread falsehoods like this:
While last November, others shared their confusion.
Less than a year ago, some percentage of online oddballs still insisted that Larry was no longer with us.
But you can rest easy, Larry buffs. In fact, anyone who’s afraid of the comic’s continuing existence need only follow @GitRDoneLarry for constant reassurance -- the guy has posted 7 times in the past 24 hours and retweets rodeo clips on the regular. A simple social media follow is all you need to confirm ol’ Larry is still alive and tootin’.
