13 Hall of Fame Jokes About Pets
We all love our pets. Anyone with a dog, cat, bird, salamander or whatever creature they care for knows they’re equally repaid in camaraderie and company. Even snarky, blackhearted comedians love their pets — if not for their nonjudgemental companionship, then for the material they create. Think about it: How many times do you zone out mid-conversation with your friend until he brings up his dog? That’s exactly the same reason why pet-joke premises work.
Click right here to get the best of Cracked sent to your inbox.
To celebrate our furry (and non-furry) pals and muses, we present these hilarious pet jokes and moments for our Comedy Hall of Fame...
J.C. Currais Meets an Emotional Support Parrot
Currais recounts a story in which he got on a commercial flight with a “loose bird” because it was an “emotional support parrot” and how it lost its mind because it couldn’t comprehend flying in the sky without actually flapping its wings.
Iliza Shlesinger on Pets as Babies
Shlesinger looks at how at a certain age, people project their want of a baby onto their dogs and breaks down how traumatizing it must be to be swept up by the legs and have a human’s face rubbing you everywhere.
Bert Kreischer on Rescuing a Cat
“Rescuing a cat is like rescuing a hobo. They’ve seen some shit in the streets that’s not getting out of their DNA anytime soon.”
The Dog Marriage in ‘Broad City’
Some people project relationships onto their dogs, and Broad City pushed it to the extreme by having a dog wedding — and then having to crash it so a bloodhound could find Abbi.
‘Saturday Night Live’ Takes Down the Cat Food Industry
SNL went after the gourmet cat-food industry by emphasizing that no matter how exquisite their feline friend’s meal is going to be, it’s just going to look like a vomited-up sloppy joe.
Michelle Buteau on Her Dog’s Poop
“I have a shovel for her shit. I wear overalls. I look like a Puerto Rican Kathy Bates. I see so much shit before 11 a.m. that’s not mine. I’m a good person.”
‘The Kids in the Hall’ Feel Nothing for this Dog
Bruce McCulloch shares an artistic confession regarding his pet dog: He feels nothing for him save for one brief moment of connection.
Nikki Glaser Wants Her Dog as a Companion (Not in the Way You Think)
“I got a dog four months before I broke up with my boyfriend because I felt maybe that’s where it was headed. I can’t handle a breakup; I get too sad. I’m gonna need something on retainer that will give me unconditional love and maybe go down on me.”
Brian Posehn’s Basset Hound
Based on his dog’s past toilet-based antics, Posehn wonders what kind of weird sexual stuff he might be into.
Sulu the Iguana on ‘Mr. Show’
The fact that Bob Odenkirk didn’t get an Emmy for his portrayal of an iguana is a crime. Well, that and Better Call Saul.
George Carlin on Dog Farts
Carlin discusses how it’s all fun and games to blame the dog for your farts until you truly get wind of one of theirs.
Key & Peele’s Violent Affection Toward Cute Puppies
‘Saturday Night Live’s Pound Puppy
Any dog owner has run into this problem, and SNL’s solution is to turn the name of a 1980s toy line and cartoon into a sex joke.
