Was Gwyneth Paltrow in a Ski Crash, or Was It Just Margot Tenenbaum?
“I think we're just gonna have to be secretly in love with each other and leave it at that” – Gwyneth Paltrow to the jade egg in her vagina.
The Goop founder and Royal Tenenbaums star currently stands trial for a collision on a ski hill in Utah back in 2016, in which retired optometrist Terry Sanderson claims that Paltrow crashed into him at high speed, causing him severe bodily harm and brain damage. Paltrow has countersued Sanderson, alleging that he was the one who crashed into her. The trial entered its third day of testimony this morning, and some sleuths on Twitter have raised some important legal questions, such as, “Why is Paltrow’s lawyer trying to give the courtroom bailiffs ‘treats?’” and, “Are we positive that Margot Tenenbaum is fictional?”
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If they haven’t already, Sanderson’s lawyers should probably check to make sure that the defendant’s corporeal form wasn’t temporarily inhabited by the devil-may-care debutante from the Wes Anderson classic, because the evidence supporting that theory is unsettling.
The plaintiff's allegations regarding the incident certainly fit the adopted Tenenbaum daughter's modus operandi – obviously, she skis. She shows little regard for the well-being of older men, as demonstrated by her constant cuckoldry of Bill Murray. She is characteristically reckless and perpetually chasing cheap thrills, be it sex with a stranger in a subway car or, in this case, allegedly careening down a mountain at dangerous speeds. And, most importantly, she's constantly dressed for cold weather.
We'd love to see an O.J.-style demonstration where the Sanderson's lawyers demand that Paltrow dangle a freshly lit cigarette from her fingers à la the famous “acquittal glove,” but that seems unlikely to happen. Still, as the trial unfolds, we'll be watching attentively to see if further similarities reveal themselves, even though we really have no dog in this fight. If anyone is following the trial with the same blasé attitude that Margot has towards her own life, just know that you're not alone:
