Every ‘Kids in the Hall’ Chicken Lady Sketch Ranked By How Horny She Is
After a 27-year absence from television, The Kids in the Hall came back for a sixth season last year. While the return of the Canadian sketch comedy troupe was met with universal praise, many Kids in the Hall diehards noticed the glaring absence of one of the original run's most beloved characters.
The Chicken Lady — the feathered, squawking, relentlessly horny half-human, half-chicken played by Mark McKinney — was nowhere to be found. She was so missed that one Twitter user said her fate was the show’s “biggest cliffhanger,” and others are waiting for Amazon to announce a seventh season in the hopes that she’ll eventually reappear.
Whether or not we’ll get more Chicken Lady in the future remains to be seen, but as we wait, here’s every one of her sketches ranked by just how very, very horny she is…
The Freak Show
Premise: The Chicken Lady makes a cameo appearance at a freak show.
How Down She Is to Cluck: The Chicken Lady’s second sketch wasn’t about her. Instead, it was about a couple of guys visiting a freak show, where one of the acts is a man who can make his nose bleed at will. The two patrons are properly disgusted, so they move onto the next act, the Chicken Lady. She’s screaming when they meet her, but that’s because she’s trying to lay an egg, not because she’s horny.
The Bearded Lady Is Getting Married
Premise: The Chicken Lady is attending the wedding of Kevin McDonald’s Bearded Lady.
How Down She Is to Cluck: Horniness takes a back seat to aggression when the Bearded Lady finds out that the Chicken Lady has been sleeping with her fiancée. There’s no sex or orgasms, just a fight between the two freaks.
The Chicken Lady Goes Home
Premise: The Chicken Lady visits the farmhouse where she was born and finds a dumbfounded new couple living there.
How Down She Is to Cluck: Most of the Chicken Lady sketches are about her sexual adventures, but this was an exception — it’s more of a sweet story about her birth and her upbringing. There is a brief appearance by her “first boyfriend,” who she scarred for life, but it’s not clear if they did the nasty.
The Chicken Lady Is a Prospective Juror
Premise: This bit appeared in Death Comes to Town, a reunion show the Kids in the Hall did back in 2010. It was a murder mystery featuring a number of classic Kids in the Hall characters, including a cameo from the Chicken Lady.
How Down She Is to Cluck: On the stand, she admits that violence makes her horny before she is dismissed from jury selection by one of the attorneys.
The Blind Date
Premise: The very first Chicken Lady sketch features Dave Foley as a man who answers a personal ad and is horrified to discover that his date is a bug-eating, toilet-water-drinking chicken-human hybrid.
How Down She Is to Cluck: Foley meets the Chicken Lady at her apartment, which is covered in posters of jockstrap-wearing men. When Foley escapes in horror, the Chicken Lady repeats to herself “gotta get laid, gotta get laid” before picking up the phone to order a male sex worker. She is obviously horny, but her first outing is somewhat tame compared to her future exploits.
The Chicken Lady Show
Premise: When The Kids in the Hall ended, McKinney joined the Saturday Night Live cast for two-and-a-half seasons. Surprisingly, the Chicken Lady made an appearance, but it doesn’t really work with SNL’s energy, which maybe explains why they only did it once.
How Down She Is to Cluck: The Chicken Lady hosts a late-night call-in sex show where she says that she’s horny, and at the end of the sketch, she gets off to a male stripper (played by David Koechner). Horny? Maybe. Funny? Not really.
Phone Sex
Premise: Scott Thompson plays a redneck who calls a phone sex line. You can guess who’s awaiting him.
How Down She Is to Cluck: The Chicken Lady’s third appearance was the first time we saw her have one of her trademark orgasms. Together, the Chicken Lady and Thompson’s redneck paint a scenario in which they have sex under a tractor; then there’s an explosion of feathers when the Chicken Lady climaxes, which would become a staple of most Chicken Lady sketches that followed.
The Chicken Lady Goes to a Male Strip Club
Premise: She attends a strip show with the Bearded Lady.
How Down She Is to Cluck: While at the strip club, the Chicken Lady rushes the stage and has to be talked back down by the emcee. Next, she tries to shove $30 down the waiter’s pants and has an explosive orgasm to the club’s newest act: “Rooster Boy” (Thompson). She’s so horny that she knocks out Rooster Boy and clears out the club.
The Chicken Lady Rides a Hobby Horse
Premise: At a shopping mall, the Chicken Lady hurries a small child off a motorized hobby horse so that she can get off at precisely 6:30 p.m.
How Down She Is to Cluck: In the Chicken Lady’s final appearance — so far, anyway — she has two explosive orgasms, climaxes in front of a child and an old woman and tells a little boy that she wants to meet Big Bird because of his big dick. It’s the only time she had two orgasms, and if the sketch were any hornier, it probably wouldn’t have been allowed on TV.
