Ranking Every Time Poor Bubbles Lost His Sh*t In ‘Trailer Park Boys’
When he’s not completely drunk or stoned out of his mind, Bubbles is the voice of reason for the Trailer Park Boys trio that is forever scheming and stealing their way through life. While Bubbles can run his mouth like a kid who just discovered the art of swearing, he is by far the smartest and most passive character of the Sunnyvale gang, mostly avoiding brawls and mayhem — that is, until someone messes with his kitties. Never, ever mess with Bubbles’ kitties.
Easily the most enduring character throughout the Canadian sitcom’s 12 seasons and three movies (not counting the spinoffs), Bubbles believes in Plato’s teachings and, in another life, could have been an aerospace engineer. The dude with the terrible glasses would rather smoke up and chill with his boys (and kitties) than get into trouble and normally has his head screwed on right. Emphasis on normally because there are times when Bubbles — who we should remind you has a dark, ventriloquist side to him — has absolutely lost it...
The Green Bastard
Bubbles is fond of a lot of things — inventing new ways to make money and provide for either the community or the community’s cats, space stuff, go-karting and going full Hulk and kicking asses under his “wrastling” name, The Green Bastard. Truly, when Bubbs dons his Green Bastard suit, he becomes Aggressive Bubbs — knocking over tables and salivating at the thought of “hammering some people.” Best of all is the fact that he even jams on the guitar inside the wrestling ring himself because there’s nothing Bubbles can’t do.
When Bubbles finds himself with a bad case of a kitty shed crab infestation, he suits up out of fear of those crabs getting in his pants. Later, the guys take him to the laundromat to wash his belongings, but not before first getting him properly stoned. When a kid inside the laundromat grabs one of Bubbles’ sheets and throws it on him, a paranoid Bubbs freaks out, thinking he’s been exposed. Naturally, and as any person would do in a laundromat full of kids in this kind of situation, Bubbs proceeds to yell, “Help me get naked,” at a guy while ripping off his clothes.
Jim Lahey Destroys Bubbles’ Shed
In Trailer Park Boys: The Movie (2006), a drunken Jim Lahey (the park’s sometimes supervisor) destroys Bubbles’ live-in shed. Bubbles responds by pulling out his rage face and swinging his nunchucks around — even threatening to punch Lahey before the cops show up. The whole sequence isn’t available online, but you can at least witness that rage face here:
Bubbles Freaks Out About His Cats
After being released from a two-year prison sentence, Bubbles returns to the Sunnyvale Trailer Park only to discover that his cats are missing. He confronts Lahey about his missing kitties, and the smug little squirrel of a man pretends to know nothing about their whereabouts. When Lahey eventually slips and says something about “animal control,” Bubbles really lets it loose. Unfortunately for him, it’s a two-against-one situation — three if you count Randy’s belly. Note that this is how you unwillingly get a nice big strip of your hair shaved, folks.
Bubbles Takes on Lahey and Randy
As you’ve probably figured out by now, most of Bubbles’ physical altercations involve Lahey and his condescending, liquored-up chops. In the show’s 2014 movie, Trailer Park Boys: Don’t Legalize It, Lahey and Randy plant cocaine in the boys’ van and frame them by calling in a bomb squad. Luckily, Bubbles and Ricky manage to get away. When Lahey spots Bubbles walking along the streets of Montreal, he offers him a ride and a drink, and Bubbs proceeds to attack Lahey and render Randy unconscious via chokehold. It’s wrong, but it feels so right.
Bubbles Steals Patrick Swayze’s Model Train
In Season Seven, Bubbles begins going through what looks like a mental breakdown. Being a huge fan of model trains, he convinces Ricky and Julian to take him to a model train convention hosted by Canadian glam metal singer Sebastian Bach. Unfortunately, Bubbs ends up stealing Patrick Swayze's personal model train…
…and then completely disassociates, believing it was Ricky and Julian who stole the train for him.
Bubbles and His Brewery
When Lahey and his cronies intervene (again) and contact city officials over Bubbles’ brewery business in a side shed, Bubbs goes berserk and trashes everything on his way to and around Lahey’s trailer — mainly to keep himself from actually punching the insufferable man in the face. Everyone knows that Bubbs has really had it when he starts whimpering and pushing over daisy trays. Even the part where he slaps hamburgers out of Randy’s hand is uncharacteristic. Bubbs would never waste food like that unless he’s a cat’s sneeze away from committing murder.
Conky
To truly understand Bubbles, one must know about his fondness for a certain ventriloquist doll named Conky. Where Bubbles is the passive voice that’s mostly trying to please everyone, Conky is the part of him that harbors vile and evil thoughts. Conky is the one who pushes buttons and shit-talks everyone. Conky is the one who brings chaos reigning down on these three best friends (when Ricky’s not doing it). Conky is Bubbles — if Bubbles was an absolute asshole. Conky makes Bubbles go completely mad.
Later in the show, Conky causes so much trouble that Bubbles has no choice but to drown his sorry ass. The whole Conky saga is hilarious, in a most terrifying way. No one should ever show Bubbles the movie M3GAN.
