5 Seemingly Toxic Things That Are Technically Edible
Okay, let’s get something out of the way right up top: You, as hopefully you are aware, are reading internet humor site Cracked.com. With that in mind, even though I’ve done research that supports the claim that the following items are edible, you’d be taking your life a whole lot less seriously than you should if you decided to run out and go all Golden Corral on these items because an internet comedy writer said it was fine. I highly doubt anyone without pica has a sincere desire to snack on inanimate objects like the ones below, but even if that’s your bliss, don’t follow it based on this article, please. I both personally and legally do not recommend you eat any of the things listed below, even if they’re APPARENTLY okay to ingest.
Now, onto the very much not meat of the matter. The human diet is a complicated and varied thing, one that can change not only from continent to continent or country to country, but even city to city. Case in point: Chicago residents inexplicably considering the open-faced calzone they call pizza edible. Preferences aside, we’ve generally got a pretty accurate hunch on what we can and can’t eat. It’s probably a good intuition that’s been passed down over millennia to keep us alive and not poisoned twice a day. There are a few things, though, whether out of necessity or out of pure happenstance, that are entirely edible even though your brain might be screaming to keep them as far away from your stomach as possible.
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Here are five shockingly edible everyday objects…
Packing Peanuts
Yes, the forbidden Cheeto might not be so forbidden after all. The same packing peanuts that explode out of an internet order and onto your floor like they’ve been yearning for freedom for a century are, surprisingly, completely non-toxic. At least, the modern, starch-based ones are. The older, styrofoam-based peanuts are plastic, and therefore less than toothsome. Nowadays though, many packing peanuts are made from corn and/or grain byproducts, making them even closer to a puff or perhaps more richly flavored rice cake. If you want a little more info on taste, there are YouTube videos you can watch to that end.
Eggshells
Anybody who’s stumbled on an eggshell in a recklessly made omelette would squarely deny their edibility. There’s a good reason nobody’s popping raw eggs in their mouth whole like chicken placenta mochi, and why hard-boiled eggs are peeled before consumption. But while eggshells are definitely not a pleasant culinary experience, they’re not only safe to eat, but actually good for you. In fact, powdered eggshell is an excellent calcium supplement, with the shell of one egg providing two times the daily requirement of calcium for an adult. Assuming, of course, you don’t immediately throw it back up, because ew.
Birthday Candles
If you’ve ever indulged in a slice of post-party birthday cake, you’ve more than likely gotten some with a bit of melted candle wax on it. Especially if the birthday boy, girl or non-binary folk in question are of an advanced age, it’s hard to avoid a couple drops of candle wax joining in with the buttercream or fondant. Though, if the cake’s covered in fondant, the whole thing’s going to taste like a wax candle anyways, so who cares? With this inevitability in mind, it’s not surprising that birthday candles are almost always made out of paraffin wax, which, while in large amounts can cause intestinal blockage, doesn’t pose much danger when eaten in small doses. Could you chomp on a little bit of a birthday candle like a skinny carrot without danger? Probably. Why you’d do that when, by definition, there’s a cake nearby, though, is still tough to swallow.
Gold
If you’ve ever seen a photo or reel on some rich asshole’s Instagram where they’re eating a gold-topped dessert, you might wonder how safe that is. Unfortunately for the rest of us, they’re going to be just fine. You might also assume that the kind of gold leaf chefs use to make a fucking hamburger hit four figures is merely a food additive that looks like gold, but it is, in fact, true, prospector-approved gold. Pure 24-karat gold is chemically inert, meaning it’ll have no negative effect at all on your body. Now, most gold jewelry isn’t 24 karats, so don’t go chomping down a dookie chain. But in its pure form, it’s perfectly safe to eat, though it is, unsurprisingly, a massive waste of money to achieve nothing but a blinged-out bowel movement.
Dirt
Could the weirdest kid in your elementary school have secretly been on to something? The answer is… a hard maybe. Though eating dirt might be something most people only imagine in a Hunger Games scenario, it’s not only okay, but can be beneficial to your health. Of course, this assumes the dirt in question isn’t completely riddled with other pollutants, a big if in today’s world. But hey, you’re probably not eating a chicken drumstick off the ground in a parking lot either.
Eating clay or dirt, also known as geophagy, has a historical precedent, especially among pregnant women. Definitely a more eyebrow-raising craving than pickles, doctors think the craving for dirt could come from a lack of nutrients and needed minerals among pregnant women in areas where their natural diet may not be able to provide what’s needed. According to Ruth Anne Joiner, quoted in the above article, it’s even tasty: “The good stuff is real smooth. It's just like a piece of candy.”
Edible or not, I don’t think Joiner needs to be worried about anyone else hogging her supply.
