‘Back To The Future II’s 2015 Newspaper Is Full Of Horrific Implications

Today is October 21st, 2022, marking the seventh anniversary of the day Marty McFly traveled to the future old-ass year of 2015, and somehow wasn’t severely disappointed. As we all remember, in Back to the Future II, Marty and Doc obtain a copy of the following day’s newspaper, which miraculously changes as soon as they meddle in the legal affairs of the McFly family, while blithely ignoring every major world tragedy. 

For those of you who didn’t pause the movie to take notes on the contents of said paper like a maniac, allow us to inform you about some of the messed-up secrets it holds. For starters, the newspaper notes that Washington is preparing for a visit from “Queen Diana” – a detail that was understandably omitted when USA Today published a replica paper in 2015 – thus implying that Marty and Doc’s timeline meddling somehow resulted in Diana never divorcing Charles and surviving into the 21st century. 

There are other details in the paper hinting that the future isn’t all super-fun hoverboards and self-lacing shoes, there are some wildly disturbing things about this version of 2015. For one thing, there’s a story about how professional athletes are cheating using bionic implants – a storyline that’s also hinted at by the tattered posters we briefly see in the alleyway reading: “Vote Yes on 237 Legalize Bionics,” meaning that cybernetic enhancements (like Griff’s) are now a matter of heated political debate.

There’s also a story about how debris from flying garbage trucks has led to at least one fatality, and remember how the people of the future use thumbprint scans instead of keys? Well, apparently, there is a gang of “bandits” amputating hospital patients’ thumbs, presumably to break into their cars and homes. Which seems way worse than just, you know, just continuing to use keys. 

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