A Definitive Ranking Of The Style Boyz’ Discography In ‘Popstar: Never Stop Never Stopping’
The Style Boyz sure had one hella crazy career, y’all. First they were together, and then Lawrence left and Conner and Owen did their own thing, although it was really just Conner, for real. Then this Hunter the Hungry guy toured and did a song with them, and that did not go well. Then Owen left (whaaaaa?), and dabbled in some Dubstep or whatever. But you know what they say: The Style Boyz are the Wu-Tang Clan of white boy pop stars, and the gang got back together in the end … and then probably also did more solo stuff, too. The life of a boy band sure is "doink-de-doink!" Anyway, let’s rank all their songs, because no matter what, these three will always be Style Boyz, fo' life.
“2 Banditos”
This tune was the first collab we got to see between Conner and Hunter the Hungry (the hilarious Chris Redd), and while the movie didn’t give us a music video of the nonsense song — when they’re not addressing race in some weird, funny way, they’re making up rhymes like “Does this make me look fat? / I just ate a f—king rat” — there’s still enough moments to laugh at the ridiculous combination of Conner the pop star, and bad boy Hunter who’d have the most-hated prank show in real life.
“Sick Glenda”
By the third act — when the guys have finally gotten over their crap and are all jamming around in Lawrence’s studio/shed — the Style Boyz reminisce about some of their old songs, pulling up this special gem about a woman named Glenda who may or may not be dying.
“Ibitha”
After picking up the way some Spanish folks pronounce the “s” sound (the ceceo) while visiting Spain, Conner thought it a grand idea to write and dedicate a song to them and what he calls “an entire country’s speech impediment.” No wonder his career started tanking.
“Me Likey Dat”
It’s the song that plays out the movie, so it’s by far the thinnest in comedy because, well, the movie is over. It's quite catchy, but it does still include the Style Boyz’ juvenile lyrics — especially the inclusion of the phrase “tummy-tum-tum.”
“Karate Guy”
Right off the bat, the movie gives us an overview of the Style Boyz’ career and their first big hits. The band’s very first single was “Karate Guy,” a song in which they seemingly don't understand the difference between being a karateka and a cowboy.
“The Donkey Roll”
Of course — and just like many a pop star in real life — the Style Boyz’ biggest hit came in the form of a ridiculous dance-a-long number that probably plays at every goddamn wedding in the Fictional Band Universe.
“Things In My Jeep”
The all-serious Lawrence totally tried to go solo when he left the Style Boyz, and we got to hear a snippet from one of his tracks in the movie where he rambles off a random list of things like boxing gloves, cashew nuts, and beach towels … only to give us the punchline that these are, in fact, things in his Jeep.
“Owen’s Song”
When Conner managed to finally push Owen away by literally making him eat dog poop, the young DJ hit the clubs with some solo sets, treating us to “Owen’s Song." It not only features the melody that would become the Boyz’ comeback song in the end, but it also plays on the boyish character’s desire to be all dark, yo. The song’s only lyrics are: “Birds, wind and birds / They fill my heart up with darkness so cold.” That's peak Dubstep right there.
“Equal Rights”
The song in which Conner4Real wanted everyone to know that he's so not gay, you guys. In fact, he says he’s not gay a whopping 36 times throughout the song (we're still not convinced). He also interjects these statements of not being gay with what his doofus brain thinks are straight, super-masculine things — we're talking everything from beef jerky and hot wings to Predator, lighter fluid, and, go figure, Lynyrd Skynyrd. Arguably the best part of this deliberate cringe-fest of a song is Pink’s face in the end like she’s wondering whether this was all worth sitting on a horse with a unicorn horn strapped to its head.
“Turn Up The Beef”
In which Conner4Real decided to not only inject one catchphrase into a song sung by a saucy Emma Stone but drop a whole bunch of them into a single verse. We can’t decide whether “Doink-de-doink!” or “Zerbert in the sherbet” is our favorite.
“Mona Lisa”
In which Conner4Real narrates his trip to Paris and the Louvre to see the famous Mona Lisa … only to be super pissed at what he describes “looks like a Garbage Pail kid.” We could totally do a rank-within-a-rank bit of all the insults he throws at what he calls the “original basic b*tch,” but we all know that the comparison to NYPD Blue’s Dennis Franz will definitely come up top.
“I’m So Humble”
Have fun with this earworm for the rest of the week. Ten points for Adam Levine humping himself hologram-style at the end of this song. No notes.
“Finest Girl” (Bin Laden Song)
It’s the kind of song that you’d expect from an all-American, all-confused pop star who’d probably have brought out some tone-deaf tribute to Angela Lansbury by now. It’s also a top-notch comedy bit, as the song shows how absolutely clueless ol’ Conner Boy is while dropping a bunch of sly comments on how the U.S. government, well, “f—ked Bin Laden.”
Please enjoy the uncensored music video version of this smashing song.
“Incredible Thoughts”
Is it the bait-and-switch intro to this song? Is it the line (or should we say, thought?) of “What if a butterfly was made out of butter?” Is it Michael Bolton singing the chorus? Is it Justin Timberlake sporting a giant fish costume? Or is it Usher coming on stage to break out the “Donkey Roll” moves with the Style Boyz?
Yes, yes, yes, yes — it’s all of the above. Style Boyz 4Life.
Thumbnail: Universal Pictures
