The 'Halloween' Franchise's Best Moments of Unintentional Hilarity
Halloween Ends tomorrow! We mean, the movie Halloween Ends comes out tomorrow. The third installment of David Gordon Green and Danny McBride's John Carpenter-blessed take on the Michael Myers mythology purports to wrap things up, and we're going to take them at their word like we've never been on the internet before. To celebrate the end of such an iconic horror franchise, let's point out all the times it made us laugh:
Halloween (1978): Michael's Posing of Victims
It's undeniably terrifying, Michael's comfort with moving dead bodies and arranging them to freak out other potential victims. It's also hilarious, imagining the incarnation of unfeeling evil having an eye for interior design. The way he cocks his head here like he's making sure the art he's hanging is level. An artist must be a perfectionist, right?
Halloween (2018): The Mask Freak-Out
When a franchise has been a cultural institution for 40 years, it's difficult to fully maintain the scary. The opening scene in the 2018 Halloween has some self-important podcasters try to manufacture a supernatural connection between Michael and his mask at an asylum—only to have it manifest as other patients freaking out and Michael remaining ominously silent. The film seems to treat these podcasters both as silly and in-over-their-heads with evil. The result in this scene is that yeah, it's scary, but also made us laugh. Even if we know worse is coming.
Halloween 2 (1981): “You Don't Know What Death Is!”
Dr. Loomis knows that evil is on loose. He has witnessed more death than any human should see. This neighbor just wants to go to bed. “I've been trick-or-treated to death tonight,” he whines. “You don't know what death is!” CUE THEME SONG.
Halloween (1978): Young Michael's Haircut
The franchise goes to great lengths to keep Michael faceless, so any glimpse of distinguishing physical features sticks out. Yes, it's terrifying that a young boy would snap like that. Yes, it's also hilarious that he's wearing that clown costume with an early years-Jim Halpert haircut.
Halloween Kills (2021): The Grumpy Massacre
We get that Michael Myers is the ultimate unthinking, unfeeling evil. But he's also undeniably old, 61 years on in this film. You know his bones ache. The way Michael cradles and chokes up on that Halligan bar before brutally butchering that squad of kitten-in-a-tree-savers feels like the living embodiment of the “ah sh*t here we go this again” meme.
Halloween 2 (1981): “You Let Him Out!”
Charles Cyphers as Leigh Brackett makes roughly eight different acting decisions in under two minutes. The shocked “have to tell my wife before anyone else does” is genuinely affecting. The banshee-jawed “YOU LET HIM OUT” is endlessly quotable at parties.
Halloween 2 (1981): Ah Geez, A Flaming Car Killed A Kid
Back up about ten minutes and we have this Abbott and Costello-esque comedy of errors that results in the tragic death of a teenager via…cop who completely forgets how to drive and a car that bursts into flames on impact? Haddonfield's finest, these are not.
Halloween Kills (2021): Cameron Tries To Stop The Bleeding With A Scarf
Cameron the arrestingly handsome scumbag is wandering the streets in despair. He's gotta “fix” things with Allyson after he cheated on her at the party! Lo and behold, here appears a chance at heroic redemption: saving the life of stabbed-in-the-neck Officer Hawkins. Which he attempts to do while dressed as the Bonnie half of a Bonnie and Clyde couples costume, blood spurting out of Hawkins's neck and all over Cameron's wool scarf. The combination of inadequate tools and a silly costume in such a serious situation gets us.
Halloween Kills (2021): Cameron's Looney Tunes Neck Break
Poor Cameron spends every frame here looking like Wile E. Coyote. With no ACME products to heal him.
Halloween 5 (1989): Did They Think We Wouldn't Notice The House?
IMDb says they changed the iconic Myers house because they were “unable to find a small Victorian." So don't show the exterior of the house! Did they think we wouldn't notice? It's the sad kind of laughable, the kind that takes us out of the movie.
Halloween Kills (2021): Doctors Are Most Violent Rioters
The riot scene is a harrowing look at how mob violence escalates. The doctor (of all people) kneeing Laurie (of all people) right in the knife wound is a hilariously specific choice.
Halloween 6 (1995): Paul Rudd's Pancake Batter Face
We don't know how we'd react, meeting Michael Myers in an empty hallway full of locked doors. Probably worse than Ant-Man does here. Nevertheless, Paul Rudd's mugging in an early film role proved he had physical comedy chops.
Halloween 3 (1982): Obviously This Is Not How To Do Anthologies
This goofy 40-second clip is all we get of Michael in the third movie. We get that they were trying to make Halloween an anthology series. But he only shows up with those goofy cartoons followed by a fourth wall break? Nah, dogg. We are all Dr. Daniel's slack-jawed disbelief.
Halloween (1978): Michael's Parents Wait To React
Let's go back to that first kill. Other than ripping his mask off, Michael's parents have zero reaction to their child holding a bloody knife. They say nothing! His mom puts her hands in her pockets and makes a face like Marge Gunderson with pregnancy nausea. Seriously, turn the volume up on that camera pan out. They just stand there! Not saying anything! That's not fruit punch on that knife!
Halloween Kills (2021): Haddonfield Cop Tough Talks Preteens
Some jerk kids are bullying Lonnie when a cop rolls up. He yells at the kids to go home, and when they ask why, the cop spits out “he killed three teenagers up the street” then speeds off to nowhere with sirens blaring. No aid to the bullied kid, no chaperone home with the serial killer loose, just BS macho tough talk. What a great reminder of how little cops help people.
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