15 Jokes For The Hall Of Fame 9/1/22
The Comedy Hall of Fame is now expanding its square footage to include a ball pit, where every ball has a joke written on it. So far, these are the 15 jokes chosen for first balls, so please, no diving in the mostly empty pit. Here are 15 jokes to share with the work colleague you want a better relationship with.
Myq Kaplan
Comedy Central
“Fifty percent of marriages in this country end in divorce. Fifty percent. That’s one out of every two people. So it’s either going to be you or your wife.”
Esther Povitsky
Comedy Central
“I look like a good babysitter because I look nice, but I’m not quite hot enough to ruin a marriage”
Bo Burnham
Netflix
“Quotes are for dumb people who can't think of something intelligent to say on their own.”
Milton Jones
“My grandfather is always saying that in the old days people could leave their back doors open. Which is probably why his submarine sank.”
Gary Gulman
Gary Gulman describes the day he stood up to injustice at the Trader Joe's.
Rodney Dangerfield
“One day as I came home early from work, I saw a guy jogging naked. I said to the guy, ‘Hey buddy…why are you doing that for?’ He said, ‘Because you came home early.’”
Emo Philips
Worldwide Pants
“I was at a bar nursing a beer. My nipple was getting quite soggy.”
Gary Delaney
“I’ve just bought Spider-Man pajamas. I hope he likes them.”
Ms. Pat
One of the craziest real stories ever told on a stand-up stage by Ms. Pat about how her “big titties saved her life.”
Ron White
“My wife told me when we first met that she was anal. Turns out there are two types of anal and she’s the wrong kind.”
Nikki Glaser
Comedy Central
“There’s just so much more I wanna do before I have kids. Like die.”
Ron Funches
“It’s been a great year for me. I’ve accomplished a lot of personal goals. I completed my marriage so that’s wonderful.”
Martha Kelly
Comedy Central
“We really are the best and the worst of all the animals put together. For example, in ways we are the worst, in the worst column; We’re the only species that imprisons other members of our species. Which is awful. But in the best column; Right now we’re the only species working on prison reform.”
Jim Gaffigan
“I don’t know why anyone would want to stay anywhere but the Intensive Care Unit.”
Steven Wright
Steven Wright: I Have A Pony
“When I was in boy scouts, I slipped on the ice and hurt my ankle. A little old lady had to help me across the street.”
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Top Image: Comedy Central
