The Rehearsal: 13 IRL People That Could Have Benefitted From It
With all the embarrassing moments from history, it is a true shame that The Rehearsal has only recently showed up on the scene. Countless celebrities and historical figures could have been spared some much humiliation and embarrassment if they had just been able to run through all the possible outcomes of a situation before they went through the real event. In this article, we're going to take a look at a few people who really could have used Nathan Fielder's planning skills and unlimited budget to perform a rehearsal before their big mistakes.
The Imagine Celebrities
Many of the celebrities involved with the cringe-inducing Gal Gadot “Imagine” video that circulated at the beginning of the pandemic finally realized it was tone-deaf and cringe-worthy. The best part, however, was how sure Gadot was that this video was going to unite the world, which Fielder probably could have warned her would not be its reception. If Fielder was in charge maybe they could have covered a more fun song in a “bread and circuses” attempt to distract everyone from the pandemic like “Uptown Funk” or “The Macarena.”
Michael Richards Apology On Letterman
After Michael Richard’s infamous racist blowup at the Laugh Factory, Jerry Seinfeld invited him to make an apology on Letterman. What followed was maybe one of the most awkward, cringe-inducing, least thought-out apologies the world has ever seen. Something Richards and Seinfeld had obviously not accounted for is that people in the audience may see two comedians reunited and think that a comedy bit is about to take place when it was quite the opposite. If Nathan got his grubby little mitts on this Richards could have practiced the apology numerous times with a fake audience, and made sure that no one would confuse his apology for a pre-conceived bit.
The Guy In Charge Of Lifeboats On The Titanic
Do you think the guy who made the choice to not include enough lifeboats on the “unsinkable” Titanic got one when it started to go down? Or did they say it’s probably best he go down with the ship? If Fielder had been there he would have built a scale reproduction of the Titanic, a to-scale replica of the North Atlantic Ocean, and a scale model of an iceberg, with his seemingly unlimited budget from HBO. If Nathan was on the job not only would they have had enough lifeboats, they would have had a series of flamethrowers attached to the front of the boat to melt any incoming chunks of ice.
Kanye West’s Taylor Swift Interruption
Kanye West was not prepared for Beyonce to lose this one, and that is where Fielder would have come in handy. Fielder would have prepared West for any number of situations at the event, perhaps giving the best music video award to Weird Al Yankovic or a Beatles cover band just to exasperate the rage held deep within Kanye. The only question is, would Fielder have allowed West to drink all that liquor beforehand, or would he have replaced all his whiskey with iced tea?
Will Smith’s Oscar Slap
It was the heat of the moment, Chris Rock makes a hilarious G.I. Jane joke only to be followed up with a slap by Will Smith defending his wife’s honor. If only Nathan Fielder had been around to take Will to a pre-made Oscars set and have a variety of celebrity impersonators hurl insults at his wife while he is strapped to his chair, eyes held open wide a la A Clockwork Orange, then maybe we wouldn't have had to sit through two months of discourse about the event.
Nicki Minaj's Vaccine Tweet
Nathan Fielder likes to stick to the facts, like pointing out that Halloween comes from Celtic origins, not Satanic ones. Nicki Minaj tweeted about her cousin in Trinidad and the covid vaccine not long ago saying, “My cousin in Trinidad won’t get the vaccine cuz his friend got it & became impotent. His testicles became swollen. His friend was weeks away from getting married, now the girl called off the wedding. So just pray on it & make sure you’re comfortable with ur decision, not bullied.” Fielder probably would’ve taken the phone away in this situation and booked a flight to Trinidad to get to the bottom of the story, because since the release of the vaccine, this seems to be the first story involving a swollen sack.
Ellen DeGeneres’s Dakota Johnson Interaction
Ellen really didn’t know how to react when she joked about Dakota Johnson not inviting her to her birthday party, when in fact Dakota DID invite her. If Fielder had been on the scene he would have accounted for this possibility with his giant intertwining map of conversation connections. If Fielder had been given Ellen proper practice she never would have made that joke and instead would have said something like, “I’m sorry I couldn’t make it to your birthday party, I was at the soup kitchen.” When in reality she was most likely setting one of her interns on fire.
Ronald Wayne Of Apple Computers
Ronald Wayne is the king of not thinking ahead, while Fielder is the exact opposite. If you’re unfamiliar, Ronald Wayne was the third member of the Apple computers startup team with Steve Jobs and Steve Wozniak. Ronald was in his forties while the Steves were in their twenties, so Ronald acted as a more mature tie-breaker for big decisions. Wayne felt that the business was too risky so he backed out of the company 12 days in, selling his ten percent stake for 1,500 dollars, losing out on what would eventually be about a 75 billion dollar stake in the company. Fielder’s business acumen would have come in handy here, and Wayne could have really benefited from running through all the possible scenarios post-break-up. Like that he could one day buy a yacht big enough to have another yacht in its swimming pool.
The Centro Universitario of Mexico
Sadly the Centro Universitario of Mexico did not have Fielder nearby to warn them of the double meanings their logo may boast. Fielder could have suggested a different name, or at least made their mascot “The Dumpsters.”
The Guy Who Accepted The Trojan Horse
Imagine the Curb Your Enthusiasm music that played after the guy who decided to accept the Trojan Horse was a good idea and saw all those soldiers hop out. Fielder would have questioned the Trojan Horse from the get-go and could have prepared the guard for what to do in the event one was presented. Maybe immediately set it on fire? Or move it into a big cage so that it's a surprise to the ambushers when they jump out to find themselves imprisoned. At the very least, if he survived, Fielder would have been able to help figure out the guard’s apology to the others.
Kendall Jenner’s Pepsi Commercial
If Nathan Fielder was on the set that day he would have put a stop to this disaster of a Pepsi commercial. As you probably remember, Kendall Jenner appeared in a Pepsi commercial where BLM protestors and police decide to get along after sharing an ice-cold Pepsi. He could have done a rehearsal with the marketing team before this to point out that capitalizing on a tragedy to sell Pepsi is tacky. He could have done a rehearsal with Kendall to point out that she needs to read the full script before joining projects. He could have done a rehearsal with a can of Pepsi to have it change PR firms.
Kelly Osborne’s Latino Comment
Do you remember this accidentally racist comment Kelly Osborne said on The View? Her attempt at praising the Latino workforce (I guess?) was met with dead silence and instant regret. Sometimes we don’t know how things are going to sound until the exact moment they come out, which is exactly where Fielder would come in. Perhaps instead she would have said something more poignant like “Yeah, I think it’s bad,” instead of her actual statement.
Adrien Brody’s Racist Improvisation On SNL
Adrien…buddy. How on earth did you not weigh the pros and cons before performing this unannounced racist Jamaican accent on Saturday Night Live to introduce Sean Kingston? Brody has since been banned from performing on SNL ever again but Nathan could have prevented this whole thing. Just have Brody perform the bit once in front of a fake audience to realize no one is going to find it funny, then maybe try a silly British accent!
For exclusive ComedyNerd content and more, subscribe to our spiffy newsletter:
Get the best of Cracked sent directly to your inbox!
Sign up for the Cracked Newsletter
Top Image: Public Domain & HBO
