15 More Jokes For The Hall Of Fame
The Joke Hall Of Fame opens its doors after a massive expansion to welcome in its newest 15 jokes. With the addition of sensory deprivation tanks, an Ikea food court, and a bathhouse, the Joke Hall Of Fame is even warmer and inviting than ever before. Enjoy these 15 new jokes as we request more money to keep expanding the Hall Of Fame's space.
Joan Rivers
Break Thru Films
“The first time I see a jogger smiling, I’ll consider it.”
Mark Watson
“My Dad said, always leave them wanting more. Ironically, that’s how he lost his job in disaster relief.”
Will Ferrell
Dreamworks
“Before you marry a person you should make them use a computer with slow internet to see who they really are.”
George Carlin
“Honesty may be the best policy, but it’s important to remember that apparently, by elimination, dishonesty is the second-best policy.”
Iliza Shlesinger
Netflix
“You know what happened the last time a group of people said, ‘Screw it, we don’t care what you think’? They got hung as witches.”
Wanda Sykes
“Russia, they sneaky. Them some sneaky motherf*ckers. Who else would think of those little stacking dolls? What the f*ck is that? All those damn nesting dolls. That’s some sneaky sh*t. “Oh, here’s another one.” “Open it again.” “It’s another one! And another one! And another one! Okay, this is the last one, right? God damn, there’s another one!'”
Adam Sandler
Netflix
“Marriage is good, guys. Marriage is good. You’ll like it one day if you’re not married. You just got to keep it mysterious. You got to keep the mystery alive. Like, my wife has no idea where I go for weeks at a time. – It’s f*cking… It’s a big mystery.”
Amy Schumer
“Have you ever dated a sex addict? At first, it’s so much fun. You’re like, ‘Am I the hottest piece of ass in the world?’ And then you’re like, ‘Oh no. He would f*ck a mailbox.’”
Ali Wong
Netflix
“DIY stands for ‘you should’ve married someone with more money.’”
Jackie Mason
“I have enough money to last me the rest of my life… unless I buy something.”
Jimmy Carr
Netflix
“A lady with a clipboard stopped me in the street and said ‘Can you spare a few minutes for cancer research?’ I said, ‘alright, but we’re not going to get much done.'”
Robin Williams
“If it’s the Psychic Network why do they need a phone number?”
Peter Kay
Lion Eyes Television
“Why is it that when someone tells you that there are over a billion stars in the universe, you believe them, but if they tell you there is wet paint somewhere, you have to touch it to make sure?”
Doug Benson
Netflix
“Einstein used science to get laid. That guy is a genius. I've been using money.”
Dave Chappelle
HBO
“They got a character on there named Oscar, they treat this guy like sh*t the entire show. They judge him right in his face, "Oscar you are so mean! Isn't he kids?’, ‘Yeah Oscar! You’re a grouch!’, its like ‘B*TCH! I LIVE IN A F*CKING TRASHCAN!’”
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Top Image: Netflix
