Outrageously Raunchy Easter Eggs In 'Magic: The Gathering'

Door to Nothingness

I’ve been alive for long enough to know a goatse when I see one. And that my friends, is a goatse. If you don’t know what a goatse is, and this is your first time hearing the term, let me just say I’m sorry and/or you’re welcome.

Uktabi Orangutan

A happy orangutan waltzing through the trees of their jungle home. Idyllic no? It definitely seems like paradise to those two kinda capuchin looking monkeys in the background. They seem really happy. Orgasmically happy.

Yeah, they’re boinking monkey style. Which is doggy style but you’re a monkey. 

Pretty much any card illustrated by Robert Bliss

Robert Bliss only wants one thing… and that is to put a phallus in every MTG card’s art. A noble cause worthy of a master of the craft. It’s a poorly kept secret in the MTG community that many of the cards illustrated by Bliss have at least one or two schlong references in them. He’s also known for his incredibly expressive character art and subtle coloration that evokes powerful emotion. But we’re mostly here for the dongers. 

The flavor text for this card reads: “Big one I, One big eye, One-eye see, Two-eye die!” Clearly referencing the ol' one eyed monster aka a chubby chode.

Clergy en-Vec

“Faith’s shield is hammered out by the blows of unbelievers.” -Oracle en-Vec. Thus reads the flavor text. The oracle on the card appears to be in religious ecstasy, blessing a congregant. Oh wait no, that guy is getting his d*ck sucked. Blows of unbelievers indeed. This card should be called mana drain.

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