14 More Jokes For The Hall Of Fame
The Comedy Hall Of Fame is filling up fast, revealing a need for mass expansion. Construction workers fill the halls as new wings and galleries are added by the hour. A monorail is being added to accommodate the mile-long hallways. Here are 14 more classic jokes and bits for the rapidly expanding Comedy Hall Of Fame.
Aziz Ansari
Aziz’s first run in with 50 Cent, where he learns that the rapper has no idea what a grapefruit is.
Bill Burr
Netflix
“God's everywhere, but I gotta go down (to church) to see him? Really? And he's mad at me down there, and I owe you money?”
Bill Bailey
“Three blokes go into a pub. Something happens. The outcome was hilarious!”
Brian Regan
NBC
“I heard on the news once, and my uncle does this. The government will pay certain farmers to not grow corn. Wow, where's my check? That'd be great. "Hey, what do you do for a living?" "Well, I don't grow corn. Get up at the crank of noon, make sure there's no corn growin'. You know we used to not grow tomatoes, but there's more money in not growin' corn."
Daniel Tosh
“Don't you love it when people in school are like, ‘I'm a bad test taker?’ You mean, you're stupid. Oh, you struggle with that part where we find out what you know? Oh. No, no, I can totally relate. See, because I'm a brilliant painter, minus my God-awful brushstrokes. Oh, how the masterpiece is crystal up here (points to head), but once paint hits canvas, I develop Parkinson's.”
Ellen DeGeneres
Netflix
“I have just learned that penguins are monogamous for life, which doesn't really surprise me all that much because they all look exactly alike. It's not like they're going to meet a better looking penguin someday.”
Jack Whitehall
“I bought one of those anti-bullying wristbands when they first came out. I say ‘bought’, I actually stole it off a short, fat ginger kid.”
John Oliver
Comedy Central
“Let me make one thing perfectly clear to you: this is not writing. I have absolutely no idea how this sentence I’m currently saying is going to finish. When and if it does, I can only hope it makes some kind of coherent ceramic pineapple.”
Maria Bamford
“I'm not technically rich, but I do have a lot of sh!t that I don't need, and I refuse to share with others.”
Peewee Herman
The Bell Joke! Perhaps Peewee's best and longest joke from an early set on Letterman.
Levell Crawford on ghosts
“That would get on my damn nerve: I'm up in my house; the ghost's like, 'Get out. Get out.' I say, 'I heard you, you son of a b*tch. Why you didn't say that sh*t when I was just looking at the house? Now they got my damn deposit; I done unpacked. You want me to get out? You get my goddamn deposit back. You pack all this sh*t, and you pay for the U-Haul.'”
Rita Rudner
Comedy Dynamics
"Some people think having large breasts makes a woman stupid. Actually, it's quite the opposite: a woman having large breasts makes men stupid."
Kristen Schaal
Just For Laughs
“I used to carry a rabbit's foot for luck. Then it was a monkey's paw. Now it's a camel's toe.”
Rowan Atkinson
A bit selected from Rowan Atkinson Live, dirty names is a classic Atkinson joke that stays evergreen.
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Top Image: Comedy Central
