You Know Things Are Bad When The Government Wants To Talk UFOs

A week from today, the House of Representatives will hold a public hearing about UFOs. This is the first time they will have done so in over 50 years. This is probably very exciting for UFO… researchers? Enthusiasts? Nutjobs? Whatever we’re supposed to be calling them now, I haven’t been keeping up with the alien beat. They might see this as a moment when the truth will finally be revealed, and the little gray men already walking among us will slip out of their human suits, whatever their hypothesis of choice is.

I’m much less excited about a potential UFO hearing, and it has nothing to do with an interest or disinterest in the subject matter. The reason I’m not happy that they’re going to talk flying saucers is because if the government is talking aliens, it means we are seriously #%$%ed. There is no bigger panic button to try to divert the national conversation than the “are aliens real?” button. This public UFO hearing has serious “smoke ‘em if you got ‘em” energy.

I’m sure at the current moment, both sides of the government would really, deeply love some new topics of discussion to crop up. Roe v. Wade is on the eve of being overturned, the stock market has the current trajectory of one of the birds from Duck Hunt, and there’s widespread talk of an oncoming recession. Getting everybody all riled up over flying saucers and re-watching the X-Files would be a broad win.

In fact, as a general fan of all things creepy, crawly, and cryptic, I’m kind of pissed off. Thinking about monsters and aliens is supposed to be OUR escape. It’s the domain of late-night bar conversations and YouTube videos with grainy footage and squeaky voice-overs. How dare you take a form of escapism away and weaponize it for a PR swing? After all, we know exactly what will actually be said in the hearing: absolutely nothing. It’s gonna be a couple hours of discussing weather balloons, methane gases, and maybe, if we’re lucky, some aircraft that the military is “not at liberty to discuss.”

There are enough genuinely threatening conspiracies to go around these days. If the government wants to dive into debunking anything, maybe choose something like Q that’s actively inspiring violent action, instead of commandeering one of the few fun ones.

Top Image: Public Domain/Pixabay