All The Weird Oscars Stuff (We Forgot About Because Of The Slap)
It's been several hours since the historic 2022 Academy Awards ended, and everyone's still talking about the slap ... to the face of traditional fashion norms delivered by Timothee Chalamet's shirtless ensemble. But we were all so distracted by Chalamet's visible ribcage (plus that fun skit with Chris Rock and Will Smith, we guess) that we failed to notice how profoundly weird this year's ceremony was, even outside of that. Here's a brief roundup of the inexplicable stuff you might have missed:
The "In Memoriam" Segment Was A Musical Number, For Some Reason
The Oscars' obligatory dead people montage has always been a little awkward, especially when you think of a late producer's bereaved family sitting at home and noticing their beloved grandpapa is getting a tiny fraction of the claps awarded to Omar from The Wire. Perhaps that explains why, this year, the Academy decided to ensure we didn't even notice who was being honored (or not, in the case of Bob Saget, Ed Asner, and others) by putting a dancing choir in front of the screen:
Actually, this was most likely done for the same reason why the Oscars cut all the "boring" awards from the ceremony: someone looked at the ratings and determined that people were tuning out during this bit, so they added something to keep viewers looking at the screen (if only to say "What the hell is going on"). This is also why next year's show will probably ditch all the awards and just have celebrities continuously slap each other for four hours like on Celebrity Deathmatch.
Kevin Costner Talks About His Passion For, Uh, "Adult Movies"
In his nearly three-minute introduction to the Best Director award, Kevin Costner felt the need to share the fact that he watched his first "full-length adult movie" at only seven years old in a Los Angeles theater not too far from where the Oscars are awarded.
Just when we thought he was gonna say, "You know what, let's ditch this joint and go watch some pornos together," it became clear that he was talking about a regular cowboy movie (of the non-nude variety). The rest of his speech was pretty typical, but for a second there, it sounded like Chris Rock's face wouldn't be the only meat getting slapped live on camera.
Flash Enters The Speed Force
Flash entering the Speed Force in Zack Snyder's Justice League was deemed the most "Cheer-Worthy" moment in a movie, beating out scenes from films with Tomatometer scores over 71%.
This was due to the sheer epicness of Flash entering the Speed Force, and not because this award was decided by an online vote and Zack Snyder fans are way more likely to sit at home creating fake profiles and clicking "vote" a hundred times than regular human beings. Snyder fans also ensured that Army of the Dead won fan-favorite movie, which as of this writing, includes zero scenes of zombies running fast enough to break the space-time continuum. (Maybe in the director's cut.)
Amy Schumer Enters The Spider-Verse
WTF was that about.
Chris Evans Delivers The Most Jarring Transition In Oscars History
After Troy Kotsur became the second deaf actor to ever win an Academy Award and delivered his moving acceptance speech in sign language, that historic moment was followed up by Chris Evans being like, "Hi, I'm Buzz Lightyear, and I'm here to show you an ad for my movie."
At least it wasn't Tim Allen. And hey, speaking of ads ...
So Many Crypto Ads
After that baffling ad where Matt Damon made it sound like investing in cryptocurrency is like going to a planet that can't sustain human life, the owners of Crypto.com apparently figured that buying off celebrities one by one would take way too -- might as well slap their logo on the Oscars and buy the whole lot of them.
Friendly reminder that Greater Fool schemes work better with the greater number of fools you can sucker into joining in.
Follow Maxwell Yezpitelok's heroic effort to read and comment on every '90s Superman comic at Superman86to99.tumblr.com.
Top image: ABC
