15 Netflix Up And Coming Comedians’ Hall-of-Fame Jokes

15 Brian Simpson

A poignant gem on police reform.

"The supreme court decided that a police officer can use deadly force if they fear for their life. If they’re afraid, they can shoot you. I say fine! You can kill a m*therf*cker when you’re afraid, but  before we let you be a cop, we should find out what you’re afraid of first.

The final exam in the police academy should be a haunted house. But instead of skeletons and witches, it’s just black people doing everyday activities. You gotta make it from the front yard to the cookout in the back yard without killin’ nobody. Then you get your badge at the grill."

14 Naomi Ekperigin

She really paints the picture.

“When I wanna practice self care, I like to pretend that I’m in a Nancy Meyers movie. If you’ve ever seen a Nancy Meyers movie… The Holiday, Something’s Gotta Give… Whenever Dian Keaton’s feeling frisky.”

“Imagine I’m a white woman in my 50s, or 60s… I’m living in the hot flash. My name is Margot, with a T. I’m wearing taupe, I’m wearing beige, and I’ll be sitting with my best friend, sipping a Californian white wine, and I’ll say, “His new wife is how old?!”

“That’s every Nancy Meyers movie in a nutshell.”

13 Mark Normand

Now we're rethinking every law.

"Nobody likes a man-boob. Nobody likes a hairy, milk-less t*t. Yet, man boobs are legal all over the country. Fat guy in Cleveland takes his shirt off… totally fine. Woman in Cleveland takes her shirt off.. Indecent exposure. But those are the t*ts we like, how did we f*ck that up?

We got weird boob rules in America. Female t*t exposed… illegal. Male t*t exposed… legal. Female t*t exposed with a baby sucking on it… legal. Male t*t exposed with a baby sucking on it… Very illegal."

12 Janelle James

Oh, that explains the recent spike in flight freak-outs.

"Bus people are on planes now. That’s what’s happening. The airlines were hurting during quarantine, and they said yo, ‘Wanna go to Cabo for $20 round-trip?’ Bus people heeded the call, packed up their camo duffle bags and hit the skies.”

“We all know what happens on greyhounds. Now it’s happening at 30,000 feet.”

11 Dusty Slay

Man, them tunes have some good imagery.

“A good country song can have you reminiscing about times you never had. My family, we never went to the lake, but I hear a country song about the lake and I’m like, ‘Yeah, I remember that.’"

“That was a good time.”

10 Melissa Villasenor

It’s not just the Canadians who are sorry.

“I come from a Mexican family. Not a lot of people believe. I get a lot of people like, ‘Oh, you don’t look Mexican.’ And I get so apologetic. Like, I’m so sorry I forgot my sombrero. Did I not roll my R’s enough? Sorrrrrrry. And I have to just salsa away."

9 Joe List

“There was a guy in the front row, and I thought he looked like me. So I said hey man,  you look like me, and he went, ‘Oof.’”

“I was like, ‘Wow, I didn’t mean to hurt our feelings.’ I realized that’s probably the best way to get a sense of what you look like. Tell someone they look like you, then see how they immediately respond.”

8 Gina Yashere

Gina in the Middle.

“This is not the Hollywood look. There’s two looks for black women in Hollywood. You either look like Halle Berry… Or Precious.”

“There’s no sliding scale!”

7 Kyle Kinane

“I’m trying a lot of new stuff. Like, I saged my apartment and… I’m new to witchcraft, so I don’t know what I’m doing. And people are like, ‘Sage doesn’t work.’ Well, neither did voting, alright! You gotta try new sh*t! Democracy failed, so we gotta start looking to voodoo or something.”

6 Beth Stelling

But they make up for it with all that beer at those soft ball games.

“The only thing more feminine than giving birth, is men in their 30s throwing underhand.”

5 Aparna Nancherla

“I taught my mom how to text. I feel like she made very quick progress. She started writing out texts like emails. My nickname, “Apps” would be the subject in bold, then she would start a message… ‘Hope Nashville was fun. When we got married, dad would…’”

“And then she would get tired and walk away from the phone. This is all we ever got out of this one. ‘When we got married, dad would…’ Well, that sounds like Dad. Classic Dad move.”

4 Dan Sodor

"They opened a Cross-fit directly across the street from my house. So now every afternoon I… Get high and watch people flip tires. It’s fun. I feel like a sh*tty construction foreman. I’m like, ‘Keep building. I’m gonna nap again.”

3 Fortune Feimster

Apparently people still care a lot about who’s using which bathroom.

“I am a woman. So do not kick me out of the bathroom, please!” “I am a beautiful snowflake, just trying not to melt.”

After this 30 minute ‘The Stand-ups’ special, she got her own full-length Netflix special, Sweet & Salty and co-hosts the What a Joke podcast with Tom Papa.

2 Deon Cole

Love that confidence.

“What I’m going to do tonight is, I’m going to try out some jokes. Do some jokes. Hopefully they work, and if they don’t, I’m never going to see y’all again so it don’t matter. Also, I only wrote black material. White people, I didn’t know y’all was coming. So, just sit there and take that sh!t.”

1 Brent Morin

According to Brent, The State Of Drunkenness is unsound.

“This is the worst time in history to be a drunk. Hands down. We’re too connected as people now. The smartphone. Like, I shouldn’t be able to get drunk. Alone. In my bedroom, with the door locked, and ruin… Everything.”

Top Image: Netflix Studios