No One Is Giving Your Kid Edibles This Halloween

Spooky Season is officially in full swing, and with it, comes our favorite Halloween traditions – rewatching Scream until our eyes bleed, slapping on lingerie and animal ears and calling it “a costume,” and watching news anchors, boomers, and Facebook-savvy parents absolutely lose their s--t amid the great seasonal panic of our (slightly more weed-friendly) times – the prospect of someone slipping candy edibles into their kids' jack-o-lantern-shaped trick-or-treat bag come Halloween night. 

An extension of the razor-blades in candy myth that found popularity as a (sub)urban legend throughout the ‘90’s and 00's, the widespread legalization of weed has heralded in a new era of mythical Halloween hijinks, with (primarily) local news stations and authorities alike harping on the dangers of weed laced candy, per NPR, telling spooky tales of trick-or-treaters coming home and inadvertently getting baked 

“The levels of THC in these fakes could have some real and devastating consequences for children,” Ohio Attorney General David Yost said in a press release on Tuesday, discussing the sangers of special treats with packaging that resemble several types of not-so-special treats. “Parents need to be extra cautious, especially around Halloween, that these copycat products don’t wind up in treat bags," he added, a sentiment echoed by several other AG's across the nation. 

While in all fairness, accidental THC OD's are on the rise among children per Connecticut AG William Tong, some edibles packaging does eerily mimic those of real, less-special candy, and you should definitely check your kids' candy before letting them dig in – better safe than sorry -- let's face it, the odds are that no one – and I do mean no one -- is trying to give away their perfectly good edibles to random, grubby children. 

“Now Carly, how can you, a childless 20-something, nearly guarantee the safety of our kids from the tricky treats of spooky-scary potheads," you may be asking. Well, reader, as someone with parents who live in Illinois and once dated a dude that only ever listened to Kygo hailing from Calabasas for several years, I know for a fact that edibles have been – and probably always will be –  really f--king expensive. 

While there are some edibles that start at $5, any edibles that are actually worth buying – and can plausibly mirror some sort of widely-produced – can get pretty pricey. “Zombie skittles” are $18 per bag from Nature's Way Delivery. According to weed-deals.com, one bag of “Stoney Patch Kids” costs $25 Canadian dollars, which equates to roughly $20 USD. Hell, a packet of "Double-Stuff Stoneos" from bi-costal brand Hedgenix runs for $40 a pop.S--t's expensive, man. Multiply that by say, 100 trick-or-treaters, and one would have to drop a bare minimum of $1,800 on edibles for your maniacal ruse to work. Basically, unless Jeff Bezos decides to take a hard left, transforming into a cackling billionaire supervillain to a cackling stoned billionaire supervillain, you're probably fine. 

But you don't have to take it from me, according to the New York Times, there is hardly any evidence suggesting that these spooky tales of kids getting weed-laced candy are anything but, a notion that University of Delaware sociology professor Joel Best reiterated when speaking to the outlet. 

“This spreads primarily among people who have no idea what this stuff costs,” said Best, who has been studying this phenomenon since 1983. “I can’t find any evidence of any child being killed or seriously hurt by a contaminated treat picked up in the course of trick-or-treating,” he added later in the interview. 

Again, while it's always better to be safe than sorry, you're really, really, really, really, not likely to find any tricky treats in your kid's Halloween basket. And if you do? Congrats! Enjoy it yourself (presuming you're above the age of 18), sit your ass on the couch, and applaud yourself on winning the statistical lottery – while snacking on all of that non-special candy. 

For more internet nonsense, follow Carly on Instagram @HuntressThompson_ on TikTok as @HuntressThompson_, and on Twitter @TennesAnyone.