Venom's Original Origin Was Going To Be Way Dumber

Venom is the goo monster in love with Tom Hardy, who is Spidey's archnemesis or best friend depending on when exactly it is, but originally Venom … was a girl. Yes, the goo monster transitioned; congratulations, everyone will continue to misgender you, but at least you can eat their heads, so that's something!

No, originally, the plan for Venom was that the symbiote suit, after Spider-Man dumped it, went and found a woman who had lost her family in a battle involving Spider-Man -- basically the same backstory that Zemo had in Captain America: Civil War, except with a cool living suit.

Except her backstory was … a bit weirder.

She was originally going to be a woman who -- okay, hold on for a second and just pictured the wildest reason someone could be mad at Spidey. Because he takes attention away from their astronaut son? Because their dad likes him more? Because you really wanna bang his aunt, and he won't stop being a cockblock? All of those reasons are, on the whole, fine compared to Venom's original motivation, which was... 

Her husband got hit by a cab. Her husband got hit by a cab, and she blamed Spider-Man. 

Seriously, a cab driver got distracted by Spider-Man fighting a supervillain, then hit her and her husband (which does cause her to lose a baby), and because of that, she decides that's it for Spider-Man. The pitch was rejected because it was a ridiculous idea and would make her one of the most unsympathetic villains and hysterically tragic ones since -- Oh. Sorry, no, it was rejected because the higher-ups didn't think kids would buy a woman going toe to toe with Spider-Man.

This was after the Invisible Woman, Scarlet Witch, Ms. Marvel, Nebula, and his Aunt May had all at one time or another beaten, out-smarted, or broken him. But a super-powered infused pseudo alien with all of his powers couldn't because she had cooties. 

So the story didn't get that far before they changed Venom to Eddie Brock, who would later -- perhaps in an idea that stuck around from when it was a woman being Venom -- give birth to Carnage, who would later give birth to Toxin (like Carnage but a cop, but like one of those nice superhero cops, not the ... like actual ones). Eventually, there would be a She-Venom, and even a Gwenom (Spider-Gwen infused with Venom hero), but this poor woman who was originally going to be one of Spider-Man's biggest foes, was never seen or heard from again. Which is honestly good because, boy, would Tom Hardy've gotten into hot water for trying to play her. 

However, before Venom became the muscle-bound, gym rat, Catholic Eddie Brock, she actually made some small appearances in the comics … mostly as a hand.

One of Venom's neatest tricks is that it doesn't activate Spider-Man's spidey sense, which he depends on to protect him from everything, from pigeon droppings to getting too close to a Subway -- which is where he is when he's pushed in from behind.

It freaks him out because he's never had this issue before, and it freaked comic readers out because the hand was obviously a woman, and this was back in the 80s, so legally, women weren't even allowed to read comics, yet. This is a joke, but the punchline is it's only gotten worse.

Women have always loved Spider-Man.

She would later try and knock Spidey off balance while walking on a building.

In the end, though, Eddie Brock became Venom, and she faded into limbo, leaving us all to wonder … if Venom was a girl, would they've let her and Spidey kiss by now?

Top Image: Columbia Pictures