Ding-Dong Central Revs Up Over A Cicada On Biden's Shoulder

Well, folks, it seems members of floundering conspiracy group QAnon have officially ascended beyond scouring the depths of 8chan and sketchy Telegram threads in hopes of finding “comms” or nonsensical secret messages from their anonymous overlord, Q. After being banned from basically every platform imaginable for spewing bulls#%&# about a fictitious child sex trafficking ring organized by cannibalistic Satanists, QAnon-ers have apparently taken a turn for the rational, looking to billions of Brood X Cicadas in a seemingly last-ditch effort to validate their bogus theory.

This bizarre, buggy buzz seemingly all began earlier this week when a rogue cicada landed on President Joe Biden's shoulder as he boarded Air Force 1 in preparation for his trip to Europe. While to most sane people, this non-event could be chalked up as a coincidence, a byproduct of the fact that billions of bugs have been swarming everywhere amid their once in almost two-decade emergence, QAnon-ers have dissected the bug's landing with a fine-toothed comb, taking it as a direct message from their leader, according to Insider.

“JOE BIDEN BITTEN BY A CICADA - COMMS?” read a post in We The Media, a telegram chat with upwards of 225,000 followers, failing to note that cicadas do not actually bite. "Just so happens that Cicadas nymphs emerge after a 17-year childhood underground!!! What? CHILD? UNDERGROUND? 17?" 

Now, for those of us who aren't fluent in Ding-Dong, the argument of this borderline incoherent text is that cicadas are connected to QAnon through the number 17, cicadas appearing once every 17 years, while Q is the 17th letter of the alphabet. The two are also supposedly related through their shared link to the underground. As Cicadas emerge from underground, QAnoners believe that former President Trump will eventually (although when, exactly is still TBD, considering the timetable keeps mysteriously being pushed indefinitely forward) expose a non-existent underground network of pedophiles. Yet as Insider noted, the emergence of 17-year and 13-year cicadas have been around for way longer than QAnon, making their argument even more irrelevant. 

So, readers, remember, don't read everything you read on the internet – especially if it's QAnon related, then don't believe it at all. It's been a long few years, folks. 

For more internet nonsense, follow Carly on Instagram @HuntressThompson_ on TikTok as @HuntressThompson_, and on Twitter @TennesAnyone.