We've Found The Shake Weight Of 2020

Working out doesn't have to be more complicated than picking things up and then putting them down, but that hasn't stopped the fitness industry from shilling new, ridiculous products to us every year. We all remember the Shake Weight, for example, which for $19.99 promised to tone our arms by giving a dumbbell a happy ending:

But I think this video from Insider makes the Shake Weight look downright sensible.

Did you see that video? If you didn't, you just ... you really need to see the damn video (I'll wait). It's four women grinding their thighs, hips, feet, back, and butts against stationary "rolling machines" as a workout routine. These machines reside in an LA-based studio known as Bodyshape and, according to the owner, Svajune Overstreet, the rollers are used as part of a 45-minute fitness and wellness class with 18 positions.

It's hard to tell what this class is teaching other than white ladies from LA will buy anything so long as they get to wear yoga pants. I mean, I can't imagine this is actually a workout, right? At least the shake weight actually had you shaking a weight. This, at best, has you doing a couple of crotch lunges before losing yourself to an orgasm. It has to be one of those Hitachi magic wand situations -- where the words say "massager," and we all wink and say nothing because we know your mom is just massaging south of her equator.

I will admit this feels a bit odd happening in a group setting. Imagine the male equivalent of this trend. It would be like a bunch of dudes jerking off together inside of a studio. Oh, right, we do have that. It's called Apatow Productions. Carry on then, Bodyshape. Carry on.

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Top Image: Shake Weight, Insider YouTube