Leave 'Wishbone' Alone, You Hollywood Vultures

Presumably in an attempt to trick children into reading books instead of rotting their brains with Tamagotchis and Pogs, the beloved '90s PBS series Wishbone found the titular Jack Russell Terrier daydreaming about historical tales and classic works of literature with himself as a participant. Wishbone is how a lot of us first learned the story of Tom Sawyer, or Sherlock Holmes, or Joan of Arc -- in presumably the only episode in television history that begins with a talking dog misplacing his water bowl and ends with a young woman burning to death.

Now it's been announced that Wishbone is being rebooted ... as a movie ... by Universal and Mattel. Which is kind of messed-up; they're turning a quaint PBS show designed to promote literacy into a mainstream Hollywood designed to sell toys. Sure, there were Wishbone toys before, but that wasn't exactly the focus. You may as well turn Reading Rainbow into an action film in order to make "LeVar Burton with Robotic Death Grip" action figures. 

The director they've tasked with shepherding Wishbone to the big screen is ... Peter Farrelly. Putting aside the fact that he's the filmmaker behind Movie 43 and Shallow Hal, Farrelly's most recent film is the Academy Award-winning Green Book, a movie based on real history that completely botched the history. Entrusting an educational children's' property to this guy is like entrusting Fabio's face to an angry Canada goose.

Most depressing of all, the reason why the original Wishbone was canceled was, according to its creator, because it lacked "merchandising potential." Which is likely why it is being resurrected, not on free to watch public television, but as a multimillion-dollar theatrical advertisement for "Wishbone's Stealth Attack Cruiser with Dual Missile Launchers  (Shakespeare Figure Not Included)."

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Top Image: PBS