Get Ready To Be Horny For Jason Momoa As Frosty The Snowman
When it comes to sexy cartoon characters, the Christmas classics tend to rank pretty low, but even that weird dentist elf is hotter than Frosty the Snowman, a literal ball of ice. (The obvious exception is Santa himself, who Christmas songs have reminded us for decades is super bangable.) Frosty's cinematic history is fairly reflective of this sexlessness, having been traditionally played by men who are certainly charming but nevertheless would not be considered conventionally handsome, like Gene Autry and John Goodman. Everything is a gritty reboot these days, though, so when Warner Brothers started brainstorming their upcoming remake of the '60s cartoon, they apparently thought "You know who would be perfect for the affable, vulnerable, magical snowman? That 6'4" wall of muscle. The sea god. What's his name? Jason Momoa."
The film will be a hybrid of CGI and live-action, so it's not clear exactly how much of Momoa will be inside that scarf and hat, but even if it's just his voice, we're in for a confusing time. If you're not sure why, allow us to remind you what Jason Momoa sounds like even when speaking fake words.
That's an extreme example, but even when he's not swearing vengeance, he sounds like Christopher Lee and a set of abs had a hot-ass baby. He'll have to worry about melting less from not getting to the North Pole on time and more from his own radiant big dick energy.
Is this a cheap ploy to get moms into theaters? It seems likely, but while dads the world over are going to have a great holiday season without knowing why and then forget about it, the ramifications for the youth could be lifelong. This is going to be a Fox Robin Hood situation for a whole generation of little girls and a significant number of boys.
Just an entire age cohort writing whatever they have instead of tweets in the future about being sexually awakened by a dancing snowman. It's a bold move by Warner Bros., but you have to respect it. They were the only ones with the balls to attempt Frosty Who Fucks.
Manna was always more of a Beast girl, and she'd be happy to explain why at length on Twitter.
Top image: Mariamichelle/Pixabay, Wikimedia Commons/Gage Skidmore
