Which Link Got The Most Play?

Many a good adventure has it's own romance plot, and The Legend of Zelda series is no exception. However, if you've never played the games, you might assume that Link, our hero in green, and the eponymous Zelda, our damsel in distress, have an ongoing romance. The truth of the matter is quite different, as almost every game features a different iteration of Link, and not every one of those Links is horny for Zelda.

But everyone sure is horny for Link. While Link might be the most passive fuckboy imaginable, as his style of seduction can best be described as "silently staring at you as he smashes a pot with a sword," the games still imply that he's getting it on the reg. The real question is which version of Link gets it the most. I've narrowed down our answer to three different Zelda games, of which Link either appears as an adult, or his poon-hounding path into adulthood is implied.

The Case For Ocarina of Time

Link is a straight-up playboy in Ocarina of Time, having an implied relationship with four different women (five if you count Fado, the Kokiri girl from Link's childhood who is absolutely infatuated with him.) That said, time travel serves to be one hell of a cockblock, and Link probably only manages to make the beast with two backs (and I'm not talking about a Dodongo) with only one of his suitors.

We'll start with that suitor, Malon, the ranch girl who gives Link his horse and "hopes a knight in shining armor will come and sweep her off her feet someday." The chemistry is strong between them, as Malon teases Link by calling him "fairy boy," but she ain't calling him fairy boy for long, after his epic escape from Lon Lon Ranch. It's implied that Link and Malon end up together because Link's descendant from Twilight Princess, is a rancher. We could maybe see him having a relationship with Zelda on the side, but Zelda and Link seem to lack the requisite chemistry as she sends him back in time after he defeats Ganon without so much as a goodbye kiss.

That lingering hand-hold tells us there's a spark perhaps, and maybe, later on, she, Link, and Malon give new meaning to the word "Triforce," but so many of the other relationships feel much more intense. Saria, for example, is Link's friend from childhood, and she's the first one he runs to after Ganondorf shrouds the world in darkness. However, it's not clear how Kokiri biology works, and the notion that her stay in the Lost Woods might render her permanently a child makes us not want to touch this with a ten-foot Hookshot.

Then there's Ruto, the Zora princess, who literally tricks Link into a betrothal. It doesn't matter to Ruto that she is a half-fish, half-humanoid creature, and Link is a Hylian. She expects Link to go full The Shape Of Water even into adulthood, and Link seems willing enough to oblige if not for the fact that Zelda later sends him back in time and wipes that engagement clean.

Ocarina of Time gives us a lot of prospects for Link, but even more question marks. The next game, however, is Link at his foxy-est ...

The Case For Twilight Princess

Or wolfiest, I should say. Twilight Princess turns Link into an absolute dog, and it's not just because of Link's in-game wolf form. I'm talking about how he lusts after Ilia with a fervor unlike any Link has seen before. Link's call to adventure is purely to save Ilya from the Bulblins who capture her. But at the end of the game, after he finally does save her, he books it out of Ordon village like a deadbeat dad who just found out he's off the hook for child support.

Link's true love in this game is Midna, the impish, Princess of Twilight who rides on Link's back while he is in wolf-form. (Wolf noises indeed.) Midna and Link have many flirtations together, like the time Midna, lying in Link's arms, exclaims, "What? Say something! Am I so beautiful that you have no words left?" It's a fairly tame statement as far as our world goes, but for The Legend of Zelda series, this is like asking Link to meet him in the fantasy suite.

So perhaps it is Midna whom Link is riding towards out of Ordon village. After all, Midna's parting words to Link, despite leaving for a seemingly inaccessible parallel dimension, were, "I'll see you later." Is traversing into the Twilight realm a daunting task? For sure, but if Link would fight off an army of Bokoblins just to save farm-girl Ilya, then imagine what he'd do after finding out Midna's true form looks like this:

But there's one more game that I think stands above all others as Link's horniest.

The Case For Breath Of The Wild

Link's love interests abound in Zelda Breath of The Wild, from Paya, who is adorably embarrassed at the prospect of revealing the location of her hidden birthmark to Link, to Robbie, the owner of the Akkala Ancient Tech Lab who will only give Link a weapon if he strips down to his underwear because he needs to "inspect your battle scars so that he can prove you are who you say you are."

But Link's most serious relationship has to be with Mipha, the Zora princess. She, inspired by tales of a great ancestor that was engaged to a Hylian, wishes to marry a Hylian boy herself. "But wait," you might be thinking. "Are we talking about Ruto here? Wasn't that engagement supposed to be undone by the timeline?" Well, the Zelda series follows their own timeline with the rigidity of a pool noodle, so we just have to assume that, yeah, maybe Ocarina of Time Link and Princess Ruto did get it on, or maybe some other Zora Princess wants to rub gills in all the wrong places. Regardless there's no denying this chemistry:

When Ruto gives Link "Zora's Saphhire" as an engagement ring, it's a spur of the moment decision. But Mipha's engagement gift to link is a set of Zora armor that she constructs. "The Calamity" takes Mipha's life before she can give Link this gift, so we'll never know exactly how Link feels about her, but you get the sense that for as level-headed as Mipha is, she wouldn't do such a thing unless she felt a sense of love from Link in return.

Zelda, on the other hand, reaches levels of angsty-love for Link that would have even Taylor Swift telling her to tone it down. She goes from hating him to loving him to hating him and back again, all while Link looks on silently, the cool playboy that he is.

But considering the Breath of The Wild sequel is in the works, this might be the relationship that lasts. If not, we're sure Link can clown around with any of the dozens of love interests that take a swing at him, especially while he's wearing his Gerudo outfit.

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Top Image: Breath Of The Wild/ Nintendo