People Keep Getting Naked On Zoom

Thanks to stay-at-home orders, people as a whole are discovering what those of us who typically work from home have always known: Working naked rules (Cracked Fact: At least 80% of the content you've gotten on this website over the years has been worked on by at least one naked person.). But they're also discovering the downside: being paranoid about accidentally showing up on a video conference in your work-from-home uniform, or lack thereof, as the case may be.

Sometimes, it's not an accident at all. Apparently, lawyers have been showing up shirtless (and probably more-less) to their Zoom hearings often enough that a Florida judge published an open letter asking attorneys to please wear appropriate clothes, or any clothes at all. "And putting on a beach cover-up won't cover up you're poolside in a bathing suit," he added, implying that a non-zero number of them are reporting live from Margaritaville. But honestly, who could blame them? Law is a stressful industry at the best of times. And unless you accidentally sit on them, are those little umbrellas really hurting anyone?

And it does seem to be the industry that's suffering most from virtual workplace nudity -- a Brazilian judge's topless mocktail hour was recently interrupted when his video conference began earlier than he expected -- but it's not the only one. A local TV news reporter doing a story on home hairstyling from her own bathroom either somehow failed to notice a man (hopefully a housemate of some sort) showering in that same bathroom or simply shrugged her shoulders and figured it was out of shot. Spoiler: It wasn't. This raises a number of questions (Why wouldn't one of them wait until the other was done? Wouldn't the running water affect the sound quality of the recording? Why is their shower so transparent?) but none of them matter. This is quarantine, baby. The only law is God's law, and God loves dicks.

Top image: Unsplash/Jernej Graj