The First Living Robots Are Some 'Jurassic Park' BS

Have you ever wriggled your toes in a freshly Roomba'd carpet and thought to yourself "I just wish my robot butler was a sightless, brainless, living abomination, so I didn't have to charge it"? You're in luck... and also terrifying! Scientists have created the first living robots from frog parts and hubris, because apparently they only saw about three seconds of The Matrix.

Look how cute they are!

These microscopic robots, called "xenobots," can move on their own since the heart cells they're made of spontaneously contract, causing them to scuttle along on stubby little legs like a creepy lil' cross between a cloud and a corgi. They're self-repairing, and they require no external source of energy; they're birthed by an uncaring god, they serve their purpose, and they die, just like us.

Will they eat us in our sleep? Probably not. They don't have digestive tracts, mouths, or even brains with which to make that decision ... yet. Do you really trust a scientist who proudly announces the creation of "entirely new life forms" -- as if that's not an entire genre of disaster movie? They already appear to have a tendency to move together in groups, so that's fantastic. We absolutely want them teaming up.

The researchers do anticipate ethical dilemmas -- chiefly concerning the possible protected status of such living beings -- but they note that the xenobots could serve a number of important functions, like eating toxic waste, or plaque from artery walls. Yes, they want to inject these things into your veins, and I say let them. Who cares if the rights of a being living inside a person vs. the rights of the host is a historically controversial question? Who cares if these little suckers team up to destroy us from the inside out? We would deserve it. Long live Frogbot.

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