What The Wienermobile Says About The Modern Economy

To say that the modern economy has a lot of problems is kind of like saying that dirt is pretty dirty. One of those problems is the increasing number of jobs that require a college degree -- something only about one-third of the population has. Taking this phenomenon to its absurd extreme is the Oscar Mayer Wienermobile: The sentient bologna recently announced its search for new talent, but if you were hoping that driving a phallic meat bus wouldn't require the acquisition of crushing educational debt, you'd better wake up and smell the wieners, sweet cheeks.

The press release detailing the requirements and responsibilities of a Wienermobile brand ambassador (or "Hotdogger") offers a disturbing insight into the modern economy. It's only a 12-month position, for one thing, so you're out of luck if you were hoping to make a lifelong career out of traveling the country in wheeled gastrointestinal distress.

Representing the company via roving wiener also requires "a BA or BS, preferably in public relations, journalism, communications, advertising, or marketing." If such candidates want to spend their first post-grad year covered in mustard stains, it seems like they'd have more job security at McDonald's. Oscar Mayer claims the position offers fame and fortune, or at least the opportunity to "be a mini celebrity" and earn a "competitive salary"... but it's doubtful they're paying what it's worth for an educated professional to suffer the indignity of two weeks of Hot Dog High, getting drilled on hot dog puns and picking a Hotdogger name. (Guess what mine is. Guess. Time's up: it's Elizabeth Wurstel.)

Am I just mad that I'm apparently too stupid to drive the Wienermobile? Yes. Do I also have a job that would presumably be much more attractive to a newly minted journalist? Also yes. Welcome to 2020: Nothing makes sense, and it's all stupid puns.