Segway's New Vehicle Was Made For Professor X Cosplay

Before Segway unveiled the scooter that became a hit with mall security guards and guided tour groups everywhere, there was a lot of hype surrounding this mysterious company and their world-changing invention. Now, it's just Steve Wozniak's favorite way to play polo. But Segway isn't giving up its quest to change the world, one scooter at a time. They're applying everything they know about self-balancing personal vehicles to egg-shaped wheelchairs that will, if nothing else, forever change the way people cosplay Professor X.

The only real difference between it and the classic Segway scooter is the way it's controlled: The S-Pod uses the same self-balancing technology, just instead of using your body to shift the center of gravity to control your direction, you use a joystick-like knob. Congratulations, Segway. You've invented a Rascal scooter that tops out at a frightening 24 miles an hour. Electric scooter riders already drive as if they're on the way to the death store because they just realized they're all out of death and they really need to pick up some death. This ethos need not be amplified with unreasonable speeds. Before this thing even hits the market, take a second today to pour one out in loving memory of all the folks who will be violently ejected when the catapult pod encounters its arch-nemesis, a fallen branch.

But hey, at least it looks and presumably sounds just like Professor X's high-tech wheelchair. Which is weird, because Segway insists the X-Men weren't the inspiration for the S-Pod. That distinction goes to the gyroscopic spheres from Jurassic World. Which also turned out to be a terrible idea that nearly killed everyone who used them. Even their marketing is trying to warn you.

Luis can be found on Twitter and Facebook. Check out his regular contributions to Macaulay Culkin's BunnyEars.com. Check out his "Meditation Minute" segments on the Bunny Ears podcast. And now you can listen to the first episode on Youtube!