Everyone's A Dummy In The 'Game Of Thrones' Finale Script

The reception to the series finale of Game Of Thrones was a bit of a mixed bag, in that a lot fans wanted to shove writers David Benioff and D.B. Weiss into a bag and throw said bag into a cement mixer. So it came as a bit of a surprise when the Emmy Awards decided to nominate the episode's script for Outstanding Writing for a Drama Series. Does the accolade mean we were wrong all along about Benioff and Weiss? Was an amazing script somehow turned into a disappointing episode? Now that the Emmys have put up the pages on their site, will Benioff and Weiss be vindicated and able to show their faces at conventions? Well, let's crack open the PDF and take in all that brilliance those dumb directors and actors failed to translate to the big screen:

EXT. KING'S LANDING GATES -- DAY

Snow has begun to fall and will continue to fall throughout this day.

Whoops, never mind. Those hoping to find a shred of a good finale tucked in the teleplay for "The Iron Throne" will be thoroughly disappointed. The script is somehow even more of half-witted bummer than the episode itself.

Of course, while the dialogue is just as bad on the page as on the screen, the writing makes things even worse. It spoils supposedly grim moments with terrible dad rock references and descriptions so badly overwritten it feels like D&D found some of that leftover Stephen King cocaine that gives you the confidence to just hand in a first draft.

Dragon's huge brow lowers and his pupils dilate as the worst is confirmed. His lips raise over teeth as long as short swords.

And if you still wondered why our so-called greatest leaders made the worst military decisions, it's apparently because Jon and Sansa are literally too dumb to read maps:

ARYA

What's west of Westeros?

Jon and Sansa look at each other. They both failed geography.

If the Emmy nomination for Benioff and Weiss' script proves anything (beyond the fact that awards are as hollow and pointless as an Unsullied's codpiece), it's how grateful we should be for the amazing crew and actors on Game Of Thrones, who turned the literary equivalent a charred child's hand in rubble into a very competent and emotionally sincere episode of television.

Even if it killed them a little on the inside.

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