Never Forget There Was A Freddy Krueger Greatest Hits Album

History has shown that you do not need to be an experienced musician, or have any talent in that field whatsoever, to convince a record company to produce an album. Sometimes merely being a celebrity is enough, as William Shatner's spoken-word atrocities and Bruce Willis' unconvincing and painful bluesman impersonations can attest. And sometimes you don't have to be a real person at all. In fact, if being a fictional disfigured child killer who impales future Pirates Of The Caribbean stars in their dreams with his homemade finger shanks makes you famous enough, you can even jump straight to getting a greatest hits collection.

During the days of pastel leg warmers and Aqua-Netted mullets, kids couldn't get enough of Freddy Krueger from the Nightmare On Elm Street franchise. For being such a brutal slayer of the innocent, the character enjoyed a level of popularity commensurate with less homicidal and more youngster-friendly personalities like Hulk Hogan (before the extremely depressing sex tape). And so questionable toys, such as a board game, trading cards, and a talking Freddy doll that said "Let's be friends," were determined to be perfectly appropriate by marketing executives. As was this offering of mostly cover tunes, with actor Robert Englund providing enthusiastic backup snarling.

So the first thing you may be asking, apart from why Billy Ocean's "Get Outta My Dreams, Get Into My Car" didn't make the cut, is who exactly The Elm Street Group are. Well, while Stephanie Davy, Kevin Kelly, and Neil Posner may not be household names, they were highly respected studio musicians of the time (which required more than just programming drums machines and keytar shredding). Whether any of them were proud of their involvement in this project is unknown, but someone most certainly should be ashamed for penning such lyrical cheese logs as "Do The Freddy" and "Down In The Boiler Room," which make the nonsensical gibberish in "Wooly Bully" (also on the album) seem downright erudite.

Here's the whole shebang, in case you're looking for a playlist to skeev out everyone at your next Halloween party -- including the two guys who thought it would be funny to come as Kevin Spacey and Harvey Weinstein dressed up as Ralph Northam's yearbook photo.

But maybe you're the sort who finds this type of thing pleasurable. Perhaps such music assists in restraining your darker urges, as England's periodic raspy fulminations mask the constant internal mutterings forever exhorting you to perform unclean acts. Well in that case, you can also get your '80s pop music/horror movie mashup on with the song "Are You Ready For Freddy," performed by the Fat Boys for the Nightmare On Elm Street 4: The Dream Master soundtrack. The dream in question probably not being in reference to Englund's thespian aspirations, as after over 45 years in show business, he's still getting cast in dopey horror movies.

E. Reid Ross has a book called Bizarre World and is practically on his knees begging that you order it now from Amazon or Barnes and Noble and leave a scathing/glowing review.

For more, check out The New Pixar Movie Looks Creepy AF and 2019's Hottest Halloween Costume Is ... The Golden Girls?

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