Jurassic World 3 To Bring Back The Jurassic Park Cast, Oh No

Jurassic World 3 is set to hit theaters in 2021, meaning we'll finally get to find out just how many innocent civilians were torn apart by velociraptors because of one nine-year-old girl's staggeringly stupid decision to free a bunch of dinosaurs at the end of Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom. Obviously this reboot series hasn't shied away from tickling our collective nostalgia with its shout-outs to the original Jurassic Park, from sculptures of John Hammond to abandoned Jeeps to giant piles of dino poop. And it seems as though the next movie is no exception.

Reportedly, Jurassic Park's beloved trio of heroes (Alan Grant, Ellie Sattler, and Ian Malcolm) will be returning in Jurassic World 3. This is according to Bryce Dallas Howard, who literally confirmed the news through a series of blinks, as if she were caught up in some sort of hostage situation. While this news may be exciting to some, it's probably worth tempering our expectations, seeing as how most of the Jurassic Park sequels have had no damn idea what to do with these characters. Take the recent Fallen Kingdom, for example. It made headlines when it was announced that Ian Malcolm (Jeff Goldblum) would be returning to the Jurassic-verse.

But when the movie came out, he shows up for, what, maybe five minutes? Malcolm just sits behind a desk and waxes philosophically during a Senate hearing. His cameo is so lazy and pointless that when he shows up again at the end for what's clearly a second hearing several days later, they couldn't even bother to change his clothes.

Similarly, Alan Grant (Sam Neill) and Ellie Sattler (Laura Dern) appear in Jurassic Park III, which does both characters a disservice. Sure, Grant is the lead, but he basically has to retread the exact same story arc he already completed in the first movie, realizing that not all children are godawful.

As for Dr. Sattler, she's married with a couple of kids, so apparently she doesn't get to go on adventures anymore.

The closest Ellie comes to actually seeing a dinosaur is when her son is watching a Barney video. We wish that was a joke and not an actual scene from the movie.

You (yes, you) should follow JM on Twitter!

For more, check out Sorry, You Can't Cosplay In Disney's Star Wars Park and Apple's Finally Putting iTunes Out Of Its Misery.

Also, we'd love to know more about you and your interesting lives, dear readers. If you spend your days doing cool stuff, drop us a line at iDoCoolStuff at Cracked dot com, and maybe we can share your story with the entire internet.

Life ... uh ... finds a way ... for you to follow us on Facebook.