Science To Men: Please Don't Get Junk Enlargement Surgery

If you have a penis and, at any point in your life, you've stared down at it and wondered if you should pay $50,000 surgically enlarge it, know that a new study reveals that you're probably better off buying smaller versions of everyday objects (see: random twigs, cigarillos, juvenile zucchinis) that you can hold next to it to make it look bigger. That's because 80% of people who get penis enlargement surgery end up dissatisfied with the results -- or worse, with a damaged penis.

If you're still willing to roll the dice on a penis charlatan preying on the insecure even after reading that, then you better be willing to put up with a little bit of "penile deformity, shortening, and erectile dysfunction," according to the study. So you're much more likely to end up with a malfunctioning stub of a doodle that looks vaguely like the Elephant Man's head instead of a hulking beast that could kick-start a lucrative porn career. Caveat emptor times a thousand here, folks.

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