An 'Anonymous Millionaire' Wants To Make 'Fortnite' Real

We are indisputably living in a 1980s vision of a dystopian sci-fi future ruled by the morally corrupted mega-rich. We know this because "Anonymous millionaire wants to make Fortnite-style battle royale combat real on private island" is an actual headline that we've all just ignored. To be fair to the insane person who inspired that sentence, he or she (but definitely he) doesn't want this battle royale to have a body count. Instead of real guns, participants would use Airsofts and "touch-sensitive body armor." Which is, what, like a vest that cums on contact?

It's still in the early design stages, but if all goes according to plan, participants will pretend-kill each other for three days, 12 hours a day, while camping in the woods at night. So, less Fortnite and more Hunger Games -- the series in which impoverished children murder each other for the amusement of the upper classes. So far, the future is very on-brand.

Luis can be found on Twitter and Facebook. And check out his regular contributions to Macaulay Culkin's Goop parody BunnyEars.com.

For more, check out This Is Probably The Weirdest Gaming Drama Of 2019 and Get Ready For Bruce Springsteen's 'Harry Potter' Song.

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