All Of The 'Game of Thrones' Ads Are Confusing And Insane
At last, the final season of Game Of Thrones is almost upon us. Finally we'll get answers to to burning questions like "Will Jon Snow defeat the White Walkers?" or "Will Arya get her revenge on Cersei?" and of course "Will someone point out that literally any type of chair would make for a better throne than one comprised of recycled bits of ass-stabby swords?" Thrones completionists may think they're all set for Season 8 ... but there's a whole other realm of stories one could easily have missed. While you may have watched every episode and read every book, have you seen every commercial?
You might be familiar with the recent Super Bowl ad which sees Gregor Clegane, aka The Mountain, straight up murdering the Bud Light Knight, presumably in the kingdom of Bland-Tasteros. But there are a whole slew of insane Game Of Thrones ads out there.
Let's begin with this KFC spot from the UK. Even though he's a bangers and mash guy, the fried chicken chain decided to promote their healthier rice side dish by hiring 12-time Mr. Westeros winner Hodor (Hodor).
In the ad, Hodor (Hodor) is working his dream job of wearing a name tag and not carrying 141 pounds of exposition on his back. Suddenly a crowd bursts in and repeatedly shouts orders of "chicken and fries." He then starts repeating "chicken and fries," over and over until it becomes "chicken and rice," while turning his back on the angry masses.
Yup, the whole thing is a parody of Hodor's (Hodor) tragic death scene in Season 6. Why would they take one of the saddest moments in the show and use it to market fast food? That would be like re-staging the Red Wedding with Taco Bell ... Which, now that we think about it, would be perfectly appropriate for a scene of people getting stabbing pains while eating.
Related: The Spoilers For Game Of Thrones' Last Season Sound Epic
And Hodor isn't the only GOT character to show up in a commercial shortly after their demise. In Scotland, former Lord Commander of the Night's Watch Jeor Mormont (James Cosmo) randomly shows up to dispense financial advice to millennials. Because who wouldn't apply for home mortgage based on the word of a dead fictional knight who lived next to a giant ice wall with hundreds of roommates and no plumbing?
Meanwhile, if you live in certain areas of the world, The Mountain might be the Thrones character you're most sick of seeing. Actor Hafthor Julius Bjornsson has his own line of vodka, and if you think that he doesn't use his Thrones notoriety to hock it, well, here's him almost caving in a guy's skull in one of their commercials.
Bjornsson is also a spokesman for SodaStream, which sometimes entails reading Game Of Thrones-themed poetry while stretched out shirtless in front of a roaring fireplace. Your move, Goldblum.
Related: Let's Go Nuts Overanalyzing The 'Game Of Thrones' Teaser
If that wasn't odd enough, SodaStream also hired Hannah Waddingham, who played the creepy Septa Unella, to recreate Cersei Lannister's walk of shame. Though this time she's shaming some dude that bought some bottled water, who presumably hasn't engaged in incest or murdered anyone. (The Mountain even shows up here too, still missing his shirt.)
And Greenpeace is yet another group deciding to cash in on Thrones fever, because using a sex-and-violence-filled fantasy world is apparently the only way to convince people that we're destroying our sex-and-violence-filled real world. Greenpeace France released a commercial featuring a White Walker falling through the ice on a pond which it turns out is melting. Because thanks to climate change, "Winter Is Not Coming."
Even people without access to tangential stars of the beloved program are using its popularity to hawk shit. Take attorney Darryl Isaacs, who filmed an insanely elaborate Game Of Thrones-themed ad to promote his legal services, despite the fact that he had never actually seen the show. The ad even aired during the Super Bowl ... if you were watching the Super Bowl in Louisville, Kentucky. The spot finds a young woman getting in a carriage accident before being attacked by White Walk- sorry, "Insurance Zombies."
So the lawyer swoops in on a dragon and saves the day while wielding a flaming hammer, which is actually a reference to his nickname, "The Hammer." Which, to be clear, is not a spoiler for the show, just his dignity.
OK, so maybe not all of these commercials are essential viewing. Still, you never know when an important nugget of fanservice will drop. Even when Peter Dinklage performed a rap to hock a new flavor of Doritos (which we assume wasn't in character as Tyrion Lannister), fans latched on to the commercial. Why? Because at the end of the ad he breathes fire, thus confirming the theory that Tyrion is actually a Targaryen. Though it's hard to believe that the guarded secrets of television's most popular show would be imparted to the company that's given all of us orange diarrhea at some point in our lives.
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