10 Cracked Posts Everyone Went Nuts Over Last Week - 1/31
Heroes come in many forms. And some of those forms are delightfully subversive.
The 13 Most Insane Things Happening Right Now (1/26)
One step closer to our dream of having a snow penis that can be viewed from outer space.
"Trying to keep up with the news is like trying to clean up post-blizzard snow drifts by pissing on them."
5 Ways You're Accidentally Making Everyone Hate You
Silence isn't always golden. For a lot of people, it's considered more of a sh!t brown.
"If you're an introvert, you spend so much of your time wishing that other people would just shut the hell up that you figure you're doing everyone a favor. But for many people, you'd be better off telling them to fuck off, because at least then you're acknowledging that they matter."
5 Weird Realities Of Growing Up With 'Illegal' Parents
"Contrary to Mr. Trump's understanding, the parental justification behind our move was less "take their jobs, then poison their water supplies" and more "our village just had like 10 beheadings, and I would rather my kids not grow up in a drug-cartel-run environment."
"Also, contrary to what a lot of angry people seem to believe, undocumented immigrants are ineligible to collect government assistance."
5 Reasons Final Fantasy Failed Worse Than Any Franchise Ever
No successful franchise, especially a game franchise, is immune to spinoffs. But no franchise just stopped giving a shit as abruptly as Final Fantasy did.
"Maybe it's a sign of how far the industry has come that we don't need Final Fantasy anymore."
The 28 Most Infuriating (TRUE) Statistics You Don't Know
Just our weekly reminder that you shouldn't be a dick...
"Numbers don't lie, which makes them even more infuriating when those numbers are delivering some not so great information."
21 Acts Of Revenge That Took A Baffling Amount Of Effort
Prison labor sometimes comes with a sneaky surcharge.
"There are some people who are happy to do petty things to get back at those who wronged them, and then there are those who put a certain amount of finesse into it and make vengeance kind of awesome."
18 Common Foreign Practices That America Needs to Steal
Granted, those Swedish parents are all supermodels, with flexible photoshoot schedules.
"Hey, we know that America is great (SUPER great for our FBI readership out there). But there's always room for improvement."
Past Secrets The Presidential Candidates Want You To Forget
Trump's staff needs to seize his Twitter account and hand it over to a stoned intern.
"Before you throw your support fully behind one candidate or another, it's important to get the full scope of the levels of unrelenting dipshittery all of these people can stoop to."
15 Texts from Last Night (From Famous Superheroes) Pt. 3
"He does it AGAIN???" -- Hugh Jackman reading every 'X-Men' script, probably.
"We like to take a break from writing too many words about superheroes and let some of our friends take over for a little while."
Creepiest 'Where Are They Now' Ever: The Power Rangers Curse
Appearing on Power Rangers seems like the first step in some kind of Final Destination scenario.
"I hope your childhood is now as completely buttfucked as mine, because it at least makes me feel a bit better that I'm not going through this trauma alone."
