Cracked Round-Up: Dick Joke Edition.
Q: Why did the Priest, the Rabbi, and the Clarinet player player go to Michigan?
A: Flesh-worm!
No, we're not proud of that. Give us a break. Do you have any idea how hard it is to work this hungover? Last night was Cracked's annual Goat Sacrifice to the Old Ones, and Swaim broke out the vodka/Windex smoothies early. We can still hear the bleating.
Bucholz kicked things off with a guide to cult ownership, while Robert Brockway showed us why you can never go home again. Seanbaby classifies modern pedestrians using famous toss-ball players. Dan O'Brien drops the curtain with a hateful and largely incoherent rant about Stevie Wonder. That'll teach the fucker.
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BRAIN
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 6 Ways Your Body Loves To Screw You (Explained By Science)
Sadly, knowing why your body sucks won't help it to suck less. |
Notable Comment:
"Do people actually think dinosaur and humans did NOT co-exist?!?!"
Of course not, evilmoxie. If dinosaurs and humans never co-existed, how did Ian Malcolm break his leg?
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CREATE
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 7 Inventors You Didn't Know You Wanted to Punch In the Face
Unless you're one of those people who just wants to punch everyone in the face. |
Notable Comment:
"What f**kwits -.- "
Svc eloquently summarizes the article.
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CRAZY
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 6 Mental Illness Myths Hollywood Wants You to Believe
Surprisingly, most Hollywood screenwriters know a lot more about cocaine and Ukrainian prostitutes than they do about mental illness. |
Notable Comment:
"Haha..."hippocampus"....what is that, like, like a school for hippos? Nah I'm just kiddin' with ya, you're alright kid. "
CharlieSouth, assassins have been dispatched to your domicile. Make peace with death.
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TRAGICOMIC
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 6 Hilarious Attempts at Brainwashing Kids with Comic Books
"We'll just hire some wino to write the script in exchange for whiskey. Kid's can't fuckin' read anyway." |
Notable Comment:
"How the hell did you leave out the works of Jack Chick? Chick Tracts are the most fear-mongering and brain-washing thing to ever be printed in comic form! What a miss. Otherwise this was a great article. "
Sorry Alzarahn, Jack Chick's stuff is just too retarded. Even for this article.
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KOOKS
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 7 Insane True Stories Behind The World's Most WTF Houses
This one goes out to all you wusses in the suburbs. If your house doesn't baffle passers-by, you aren't doing it right. |
Notable Comment:
"Oh god look at spock's mustache I'm so wet right now. "
reckless abrandon's comment can stand on its own.
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Agents of Cracked
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 The End
Swaim is dead. |
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YOU YOU YOU!
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 If Everyone Knew The World Was Ending Tomorrow
We're practically giving money away! Wait, not practically. Totally. We're totally giving away money to people, people with mediocre to decent Photoshop skills. People like you. Wouldn't you like to be a person like you? This week, you can be by entering our latest contest, Worst Job Ever. |
12.03.09:
Kids today, all they do is sit on their ass...
by Gatt
Editor's pick:
Turns out the pony's one trick was actually pretty cool.
by Versus
12.02.09:
F*** you Nintendo, I just wanna be able sit on my couch again.
by yeahme
Editor's pick:
Sometimes the Make-a-Wish Foundation just has to go along with it.
by geniuswaitress
12.01.09:
Lady Gaga takes charge of the KKK's custumes.
by noreport
Editor's pick:
Why can't the Grinch steal this shit instead?
by Blinker_Fluid
11.30.09:
One giant leap in the wrong direction.
by Awesominator
Editor's pick:
It's hard to write a good craption when you have a raging erection.
by Mr.Excalibur
11.29.09:
There are four rules to World of Warcraft Club..
by Tessica
Editor's pick:
The annual "Let's Never Do Anything Ever" parade.
by TrogdorRules
11.28.09:
Rorschach's Journal: Sucks losing bets to Comedian.
by Soneji
Editor's pick:
Excuse me, can you tell us where they're holding Mexi-con?
by Ceveron
11.27.09:
After the Orcs invaded, Christmas became much more fun.
by Kamikaze Phoenix
Editor's pick:
Fire. How original.
by Valthonis
