Cracked Round-Up: Happiness Week Edition
August is definitely the most depressing month, although May still holds the title for 'douchiest' month. To help you deal with the crippling sadness of the month God forgot, Cracked brought you a solid week of the most joytastic haptasmogoric awesomeness we could possibly pull from the withered hands of our starving writer pool. Read it, enjoy, and try real hard not to think too much about the fact that our dick jokes aren't free range.
Cracked started this week by celebrating a classic: Jaws 3D. David Wong explained why the news looks worse than it really is while Felix Clay shared small fights that got out of hand quickly. Daniel Dockery explored the movie special effects that get worse over time as Robert Brockway shared mysteries of everyday life that make no sense. Soren Bowie went on a police ride-along and gave justice a new name before John Cheese exposed the world to genius comedy hiding in plain sight on Youtube. Kristi Harrison closed Happiness Week with childhood traditions that would make adult life awesome.
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VIOLENT HAPPINESS
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 So THIS is what war is good for.
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Notable Comment: "Nuisance is a local hero in South Africa. The people loved him so much that there is a monument to him in the town where the Navy was based. He even had a 'wedding' ceremony to another Dane before they were sent off for some love making. Sadly, Nuisance died on his 6th birthday in a Navy hospital. He was buried in a full on Naval funeral ceremony. He is a real legend down this side."
And now, thefirefly89, he belongs to history.
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FAME POSITIVE
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 See? Every now and then, stars aren't vile, broken excuses for human beings.
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Notable Comment: "I've seen a picture of a topless Ke$ha with a load on her stomach, so yea."
Keep it classy, Trampus.
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DIE HARD
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 You will believe a man can ride a tornado.
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Notable Comment: "Big deal.I once stayed at a Holiday Inn Express."
GoddamnedBatman just trumped all these chumps.
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LUCAS FUTURE
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 No lightsabers yet, but we've got a feeling that healing tank is just on the horizon.
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Notable Comment: "Cutting edge tech always makes me feel happy. One step closer to exploring the stars."
Or at least blowing them up, WindmillStalker.
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MONEY PROBLEMS
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 Because there's nothing a professional can do for money that an insane nerd can't make alone in his bedroom for nothing.
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Notable Comment: "At long last, I'll find out who wins in a battle between Hitler (Hitmonchan/Kingler) and Squirtqueen (Squirtle/Nidoqueen)"
JWVirden is a bad person, and that's all there is to it.
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Obsessive Pop Culture Disorder
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 You're welcome.
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YOU YOU YOU!
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 We're practically giving money away! Wait, not practically. Totally. We're totally giving away money to people, people with mediocre to decent Photoshop skills. People like you. Wouldn't you like to be a person like you? This week, you can be by entering our latest contests, If Fictional Schools Were Realistic, Irrational Fears You Still Have As An Adult, Symbolism Most People Miss in Famous Movies and Mind-Blowing Where Are They Now Facts / Images.
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