Cracked Round-Up: Strip-Karate Edition

We thought this would be the best idea ever. But it just lead to a shitload of tassle-bruises.

Luke McKinney got us rolling with seven things no one tells you about moving to a new country. Chris Bucholz followed up by listing six performance enhancing drugs that are more common than you'd think. Cyriaque was next with terrifying sex illustrations from Wikipedia and Bucholz circled back to reveal the most insane legal technicalities to ever screw someone. Soren Bowie gave us daily annoyances that must be part of a secret experiment as David Wong discussed five easy ways to spot a B.S. news story on the Internet. Brockway gave some tips for surviving stranded at the airport and Gladstone looked into seemingly simple tasks we all suck at. John Cheese wound us down with the twelve most strangely satisfying videos online. Dan O'Brien closed us out with ten behind-the-scenes photos that make the movie better.

TOO SLOW

The 6 Least Hip Internet References in Song Lyric History This is sort-of like a band full of virgins cutting a Barry White cover album.

Notable Comment: "Thanks God they have gone back to referencing ancient technology, so Call Me, maybe. And there's Maroon 5 talking about a pay phone. Do those even exist anymore?"

There are pay phones in Canada, Darth_Fat_Guy. Cellphones fall under their witchcraft laws.

ROCK HISTORY

6 Alternate Album Covers You Won't Believe Almost Happened The first draft of this article was just a man beating a side of ham with a claw hammer.

Notable Comment: "And Linda Eastman, the photographer who collaborated with Jimi on his original Ladyland photos? She went on to marry this guy by the name of Paul McCartney..."

This proves it, MadModMinx, Paul McCartney murdered Jimi Hendrix in a jealous rage.

FAIR ANIMATION

6 Hilariously Failed Attempts at Making Comics More Diverse Tight-wearing demigods who fight crime with magic might not be the best way to make a serious statement about prejudice.

Notable Comment: "Whoa! The one stereotype in Green Lantern says he wants hard liquor and easy women. This is almost certainly a bowdlerization of "tight shoes, loose p***y ." a quite racist remark about black aspiration made by former sec. of agriculture Earl Butz (resigned soon after)."

We'll be honest, kipsydaisy. We don't see what's wrong with wanting any of those things.

MILITANT BULLSHIT

6 Military Fakes You Won't Believe Fooled the World There's something about a badass uniform that shuts down people's ability to ask questions.

Notable Comment: "The Stringfellow story is really strange. As the article suggested, this guy would have to pretend to be paralyzed, by voluntarily being 'paralyzed'. What price glory?"

If we're remembering correctly, $11.47 and a stack of old Hustlers.

EASY STEPS

6 Mental Illnesses That Only Happen in One Place on Earth Cracked's offices have their own form of highly localized mental illness, but it mostly presents with knife throwing and projectile vomit.

Notable Comment: "If I ever get a pet husky I'm so calling him Pibloktoq. What an adorable name for a mental disorder."

Giovannisorta, that's not a bad idea. We're naming our next mascot ferret Mr. Phrenia.

Marvels of Science

The Real Reason They Don't Want Evolution Taught in Schools Now we're super big, comparatively.

YOU YOU YOU!

12 Drunk Tests Recovered from Famous Moments in History We're practically giving money away! Wait, not practically. Totally. We're totally giving away money to people, people with mediocre to decent Photoshop skills. People like you. Wouldn't you like to be a person like you? This week, you can be by entering our latest contests, Texts That Would've Solved Pre-Cellphone Movie Plots, Small Things You Don't Miss Until They're Gone, Embarassing Photoshop Disasters We'll Probably See Next and Real Facts That Will Ruin Your Childhood.