Cracked Round-Up: New Delhi Slum Edition
The trouble with running a profitable, industrial-scale comedy operation is that you just can't outsource good humor. No call center full of cheap labor can replicate the comedic brilliance that makes Cracked possible. But, while we can't outsource the jobs, we can outsource the people. Office space in India's capital is cheaper than dirt, and the cost of living is so low that we've been able to slash salaries without reducing our writing staff's intoxicant budget.
Sure, we've had a few interns devoured by feral dog packs. And yes, one of our staff writers caught a prion disease from bad street vendor monkey brains. It's like we always say: you can't make a comedy omelet without ignoring a few dozen workman's comp claims.
Bucholz set our comedy raft afloat with the most intense Rites of Passage from around the world. Soren showed the ways Etsy helped him find his inner creepiness. Luke McKinney looked at the astronauts more badass than any action movie hero while Brockway gave the true stories behind the most badass photos ever taken. John Cheese wound us down with the most hilariously awkward press conferences and Chris Bucholz gave us the five strangest cases of simultaneous invention.
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BLOWBACK
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 There are no wrong ways to send your deceased loved ones into the great beyond. Although you might doubt that statement once you finish this article.
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Notable Comment: "I'm in school for mortuary science, so I have heard of a couple on this list. But my question about #6: as the funeral director, am I in charge of hiring the strippers, or is that the responsibility of the family? Or can I be the stripper for a reasonable discount?"
If we had to guess, Khannkabibble, we'd say it's the family's responsibility, but offering to stand-in for the stripper wouldn't be unwelcome.
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MINDFUCK
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 We knew our terrible personalities and catalog of terrifying kinks couldn't be the only reasons!
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Notable Comment: "Actually, I never assume that my female friends want to have sex with me: I assume that I want to have sex with them. There's a difference there, and if I can find a way to use that logic so that my female friends will have sex with me..."
ReverendSpork is on the path to true enlightenment. He's just got a few miles more to go.
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SHOCKING LOCATIONS
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 Some stereotypes exist for a reason. These are not those stereotypes.
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Notable Comment: "So what you're saying is that India should outsource their science and tech jobs to Americans and that Japanese make an orgy-filled pilgrimage to Mecca?"
El_Zorrillo knows the path the future should take.
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NOT WORTH IT
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 Just because the character is an unparalleled genius doesn't mean the screenwriter was.
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Notable Comment: "I think it would have been cooler if the Watchmen movie kept the alien squid from the graphic novel."
So do we, Selale. So do we.
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EASY STEPS
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 Yes, you are an asshole if you choose to ignore everything in this article anyway.
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Notable Comment: "Why would I want to enrich massive corporations by giving them precious minerals I paid for? If they want the metals inside they should pay us for them."
Protoroc, do you consider "the earth, its finite resources and future generations of human beings" to be massive corporations? If so, your logic is flawless.
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Dan O'Brien
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 Believe us, choosing a "dumbest" was not easy.
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YOU YOU YOU!
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 We're practically giving money away! Wait, not practically. Totally. We're totally giving away money to people, people with mediocre to decent Photoshop skills. People like you. Wouldn't you like to be a person like you? This week, you can be by entering our latest contests, If Romantic Movies Were Honest About Relationship, Web Browser Features We Desperately Need, Ridiculous Pharmaceutical Ads We'll See Next and The Freakiest (REAL) Coincidences in History.
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