Cracked Round-Up: Margaritas and Eggnog Edition
It's the end of September, and that means two things. We're in the last few days of the year where margaritas are an acceptable beverage and the first few days of the year where eggnog is finally back on sale. Our recommendation? Take advantage of that fact this weekend, and drink 'till you hurl in a brilliant shade of neon green.
The modern world is filled with wondrous labor-saving devices. And it's also filled with bullshit, as Ian Fortey's list of unnecessary inventions can attest. Kristi Harrison followed up with a former teacher's tips for fixing America's schools. Seanbaby came next, taking the world's worst how-to-guides to task. Soren Bowie wrote some Yelp reviews for places that really need them and Robert Brockway collected badass photos of people walking through insane situations. John Cheese talked about the MMORPG that no one can quit while Luke McKinney listed the most overused words on the Internet. Dan O'Brien closed us out with the bizarrely specific job trends in movies.
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INSANE GAMES
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 This article is what happens when game designers suffer aneurysms and don't tell anyone.
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Notable Comment: "As for the Perfect Dark entry, the cheese wedges were in the game originally as the method to unlock cheats. They decided to scrap this method and go with a similar system to Goldeneye. For whatever reason, the cheese wedges were left in the game, causing massive confusion and speculation."
Sure, Destruct-O-Tron. We're sure that's exactly what the Cheese Lords of Dairytopia paid you to say. But Cracked isn't buying it.
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STOLEN HEROES
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 Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery, and outright stealing shit is the sincerest form of imitation.
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Notable Comment: "If the Spider Queen's webs are unbreakable how does she break the end off from her wrist? I mean it's not connected to her after she shoots it at someone and she doesn't have super strength to tear it so how does it come off?"
Wizards, Bubblegumdandy. They're the only answer that makes sense.
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SCIENCE OF JOY
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 With this article's help, the whole world is your next fix.
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Notable Comment: "Doesn't semen make women happy according to some studies?"
That's correct, KELGO. And if the man eats a steak beforehand, it's half a hit of heroin worth of joy.
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NATURAL POWERS
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 Old habits die hard. Here's why!
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Notable Comment: "Cocaine pie. This should be an actual thing. MMMM"
It was once, Dirkin. Than our intern pool spontaneously contracted hyperdiabetes and later all died in unrelated fishing accidents before their class action went to trial. We don't recommend it.
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SUCCESS HACKS
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 We've always felt the League of Shadows could have avoided a lot of trouble if they'd just given Bruce Wayne one of those personality inventories before hiring him.
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Notable Comment: "A key aspect of Doc Brown's character was that he was impulsive and never thought things through. It drives a lot of the plot, like how he bought plutonium from Libyan terrorists and had his dog test drive the Delorean. Good movies have characters make decisions based on their personalities, not what a completely logical person with perfect foresight would do."
We don't know, blieber. He thought that whole 'time machine' thing through pretty well.
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Cracked Staff
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 'Loopers' sounds pretty ridiculous when you say it enough.
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YOU YOU YOU!
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 We're practically giving money away! Wait, not practically. Totally. We're totally giving away money to people, people with mediocre to decent Photoshop skills. People like you. Wouldn't you like to be a person like you? This week, you can be by entering our latest contests, If TV Show Titles Were Honest, Famous Video Games Revised For Political Correctness, Facebook Features We'd Like to See and Recruitment Materials for Movie Henchmen.
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