Cracked Round-Up: Gaffetember Edition
It's been a glorious week for politicians being taped saying things they probably ought not to have said. Gaffes may not have any real influence on the election, but they give us all a few days of entertainment at the expense of two men who live in much nicer houses than we'll ever own. In the end, isn't that what democracy is really all about?
Ian Fortey got Cracked into an early Halloween holiday spirit with a look at the real people who pretend to be vampires. Christina followed up by debunking things people think are an instant short-cut to comedy. Soren Bowie was next, skewering the stupid ways credit card companies try to reward you via tacky gifts. Ian Fortey brought us into your bedroom, with the terrifying sleep conditions no one talks about and Brockway revealed the most interchangeable celebrities in Hollywood. Dan O'Brien closed things out by examining just how crazy you'd have to be to run for President.
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BIG CHANCE
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 Some wagers lead to you standing naked in front of a police station while covered in honey. Others change the course of human civilization.
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Notable Comment: "Slow down. There are mites in my eyelashes?!"
NoAdditives, you poor sweet fool. Your world is about to become a much darker place.
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BETTER THAN CGI
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 Truth isn't just stranger than fiction. It has a way higher special effects budget.
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Notable Comment: "Those space shrooms probably take you on one hell of a trip".
You're probably right, Major Organ. Make sure they publish the trip report on your headstone.
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CUTTING ROOM FLOOR
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 In writing, rough drafts are usually full of typos and grammatical errors. Apparently the video game equivalent to that is child nudity and incessant screaming.
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Notable Comment: "Screaming to play legend of Zelda sounds kind of fun actually."
Maybe for you, KatanaJames, but not for anyone around you.
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NATURAL POWERS
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 Well, we got screwed out of all the best senses. But at least we're the only species capable of both producing and appreciating taffy. We wouldn't trade any number of horns for that.
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Notable Comment: "I honestly had no idea Narwhals were real animals."
You caught us, SoupMan! That was just a crude photoshop. Go back to your blissful, narwhale-less world.
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SUCCESS HACKS
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 Success is 1% inspiration, 9% perspiration and 90% being born with the right sort of face and name.
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Notable Comment: "The most amazing part of this article is the fact that there's a stock photo for 'latex clad blonde with mortarboard'"
SmileyMan, the you wouldn't believe how crazy things can get in the stock photo shooting lab. Just the other day we did a session with three bears, an infant and forty two kittens. It was fun shoot, until someone decided to douse the whole room in honey.
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Natural Disastronauts
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 In her defense, it was great pudding.
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YOU YOU YOU!
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 We're practically giving money away! Wait, not practically. Totally. We're totally giving away money to people, people with mediocre to decent Photoshop skills. People like you. Wouldn't you like to be a person like you? This week, you can be by entering our latest contests, Unexpected Downsides to Being a Zombie, If Video Game Characters Had Free Will, Business Cards of Famous Fictional Characters and Hugely Inadequate Silver Linings.
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