Cracked Round-Up: Sun-Eating Edition

Have you ever heard of Sun-Eaters? They're a group of crazy people who ONLY gain nourishment by staring directly at the sun. Sure, it sounds dangerous. And stupid. And completely impossible. That hasn't stopped us from volunteering our entire intern pool to test this new (and potentially money-saving) diet. They complained for a while, but after we stopped giving them water the screaming pretty much dropped down to a low, croaking whine. We're calling that a win.

Felix Clay got us started with a look at the damaging relationships you can't get away from. Next, Felix got his own back and gave us scientific explanations of famous monsters. Luke McKinney followed this double-dose of Felix with the important things no one tells you about grad school. Robert Brockway looked at new video game realities that will kill the industry and Gladstone discussed crazy behaviors the Internet says are OK. John Cheese broke up with his X-Box while Chris Sims showed us the manliest movie ever made.

ACTOR ANGER

The 5 Most Hilarious Actor Meltdowns Behind Famous Movies Actors are like huge, whiney babies...if huge whiney babies were routinely paid millions of dollars.

Notable Comment: "I think we all owe Nick Cage an apology: at least his insanities were less egotistical and more awesome."

Sorry, rickicker, but no one will ever owe Nick Cage an apology for anything. Ever.

WARSPLOITATION

The 6 Most Hilariously Petty Abuses of Military Power Serving time as a soldier is one of the only ways an 18-year-old can find himself entrusted with millions of dollars in weaponry. This does not always prove wise.

Notable Comment: "This is probably the only article you'll ever read where Shetland Coast Guard and Military Power are used together."

You're right, WatchTheWatcher. The average single mother in West Texas probably packs more firepower in her purse than the Shetland Coast Guard has altogether.

ERRANT ERRORS

6 Mind-Blowing Images That Nature Produces Every Year Timing is everything. Although having millions of dollars for airfare and travel expenses is ALSO pretty crucial.

Notable Comment: "It burns when I pee."

Of course it does, DarkXid. And you probably think that makes you special.

FASHION FIGHT

5 Ridiculous Modern Fashions With Badass Historical Origins Fashion can be cool! But that previous sentence can't be anything but uncool.

Notable Comment: "Slightly off topic, but it's always been my opinion that high heels shouldn't be worn by anyone. Any fashion accessory that actually injures the person wearing it should be viewed with distinct suspicion."

Capslockbroken probably wouldn't like our spike-backed codpieces either. But that's only because he doesn't understand them.

BRAIN CRACK

The 6 Most WTF Scientific Theories About Existence We're pretty sure these scientists are taking better drugs than we ever knew existed.

Notable Comment: "Dammit, now I'm going to have to masturbate even more often than usual in the hopes of time freezing me in an eternal orgasm!"

Possible, CountOfTea. But it really is more likely you'll end up frozen in time surrounded by a pile of crusty socks.

BriTANick

The Sexiest Pool Party Ever (Featuring Nathan Fillion) Nathan Fillion, you guys.

YOU YOU YOU!

If Movie Character's Timing Had Been Slightly Off We're practically giving money away! Wait, not practically. Totally. We're totally giving away money to people, people with mediocre to decent Photoshop skills. People like you. Wouldn't you like to be a person like you? This week, you can be by entering our latest contests, Plot Twists Cut From Disney Movies, A Future Where Everything Has DLC, Impressive Real Things About Dumb Celebrities and Cool (REAL) Internet Easter Eggs / Tricks.